Fate Happens
by Divergent24-7
Summary: FourTris! This story is about Tris in modern day, and a old friend of her's who moved away when she was 14. They had fallen for each other, but when he moved away and broke her, she falls into a depression. Eventually she moves to Chicago and deals with her problems. Will that old friend be there to help? WARNING: rated t: depression/self harm and minor sexual content. please read
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

TRIS POV:

Two words. Terror and tragedy. That is all I need to explain my life.

When I was 14 my best friend, Tobias Eaton, was forced to move away, as his father had been relocated for his job. The day he told me is still etched into my mind, impossible to remove. That night was the change of my life, change of the course of my future, and it all started with a few words.

_Flashback: _

_I stand outside his home waiting for the familiar creak of the wooden door, signaling he was finally outside. I take a seat on the steps to his doorway, my body facing the empty street, the street lights illuminating the roads. _

_I know that his beating must have been bad tonight, as he is usually only late for our meetings when he gets them. Considering he is thirty seven minutes late, he must still be wrapping his back up with the wrap I gifted him with a few months ago. Although, I feel as though I should start to head home, I'm content on staying until I find out if he is okay or not. _

_Only a few minutes past twelve does he come out dressed in a loose jacket, and jeans with a few holes on the knees, exposing very little skin. His hair is wet and his back is slumped in an uncomfortable way, too stiff to be able to arch. I watch as he slowly but surely comes to join me on his steps, carefully lowering himself down into the spot against the rail next to me. He casually leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees, connecting his hands together in front of him._

"_Hey." he speaks, his voice rough yet soothing. _

"_Hey." I say, focusing back onto the vacant street. _

"_I'm sorry it took me so long to get out here," he says, "It was a rough night."_

_My eyes glance back up at him, our gazes connecting and his fascinating deep ocean blue eyes seem to search for an answer in mine. There is a comfortable moment of silence before I speak up again, "It's fine, I understand." _

_We stay there for a few more moments before he rises, extending his hand out to me. I gently grab it, careful not to use his help, but just to act like it, as I stand myself. _

"_Let's go before we get caught." He states pulling me with him as he walks along the sidewalk by the houses. We stop in front of the gates to my backyard, and I release our hands using both of mine to unhook the latch on the gate, swinging it open. Tobias and I silently walk through the gate, him closing it behind him, and we both continue into my backyard. _

_We make our way to what some people call a 'fort' but it looks more of a tree house on the ground. The wood used to make the walls and roof on the 'fort' is beginning to become a lighter brown color from sitting out in the sun too long. I glide through the opening in the front, taking a seat on the blanket laid down on the wood flooring, facing Tobias as he slides into the fort careful not to hit his back. _

"_So, what did you need to talk to me about?" I ask thinking back to when he asked me to come to his house tonight for a meeting we only have when we need to talk about something serious. He takes a moment to adjust his sitting position, his head getting awfully close to hitting the ceiling with his 5'10 fourteen year old body. It's clear that he will be tall when he's finally stopped growing, as where I am done growing at 5'6, and he has just started._

"_Tris," he calls me by the nickname he gave me, "we have been friends for a decade now, 10 full years, and I love to talk to you. You always listen to me about my problems and we have been through thick and thin. Anyway...what I'm trying to say is that...I love you." _

"_I love you too, Tobias." I reply, in a friendly way. _

"_I dont think you understand," he shifts around again, pulling his long legs into his chest hugging them, "I'm _in _love with you." _

_I don't reply, my head starting to spin with questions and confusion. I stare at him for a while, him breaking his gaze on me, moving it to the ground, a faint hint of red in his cheeks, barely visible with the small amount of lantern light. No matter how hard I try, my eyes refuse to look away from him. _

"_Tobias-" I start but he immediately interrupted me. _

"_You don't have to say anything...I just wanted you to know…" he trails off beginning to stand up from his spot on the floor. I gently place my small hand on his growing muscles in his arm. _

"_Tobias," I start again, but this time I'm at a loss of words, without him interrupting me. _

_He sighs, gently grabbing my hand on his arm moving it aside so he can climb out of the crammed fort. As soon as he has exited I follow close behind, standing stretching my back out and, I once again, grab his arm. _

"_Tobias wait." I try again. He turns around facing me staring into my eyes, his ocean blue irises pulling me in, drowning me. His eyes are filled with something I've never seen before in them, tears. They fill his eyes causing it to look glassy, and instantly I'm stuffed with guilt. I watch as the first tear I've ever seen, fall from his eye, traveling down his face. Without thinking about it, I take my right hand and reach up wiping it away, keeping our eyes locked. _

_An uneasy and excited feeling settles in my stomach as he reaches his hand up cupping it around my cheek, his pinkie and ring finger sliding behind my ear. He takes one step closer so that our bodies are right next to each other, his other hand holding the small of my back. His face is less than six inches away from mine, and I have to lean my head up to continue staring into his eyes. _

_Ever so carefully, he leans down a little bit, his lips lightly brushing against mine, so light it feels like a feather. He backs up a little, making sure I'm positively fine with him doing this before he really connects our lips. I close my eyes, both my hands going to his face holding the sides while I go on my tiptoes, arching my back to reach. He now places both his hands on the small of my back as he leans into the kiss harder. The feeling of his lips against mine, makes me melt, my body lighting up on fire, turning into liquid. _

_It only seems to have been a few seconds when he pulls away. He leaves his face close to mine while he breaths harder than normal, and I can hear my heartbeat pumping loudly in my ears. I watch him closely, his eyes still shut as a smile grows on his lips. My own smile sprouts on my mouth as I look at his, but suddenly it's gone. Disappeared, instead replacing the amazing smile is a frown. I pull back even more, and he opens his eyes as my hands slide down from his face to wrap around his neck. _

"_I'm sorry." He says, guilt filling his eyes. _

"_You have nothing to be sorry for...I kissed back, didn't I?" I ask, feeling blood creep into my cheeks at the mention of the kiss. _

"_I shouldn't have done that, but you have to know that I love you." He says, adding to my confusion. _

"_Tobias, I liked it." I speak softly, my face burning red._

"_That's the problem." Tobias states. _

_I let go of my arms taking a step back staring at him with pure confusion. Why on earth would that be the problem? I'm trying to wrap my head around it but none of it makes since. _

"_What?" I ask my voice going higher in the question._

"_Tris I'm moving." As the words escape his lips, my heart drops. "My dad was relocated to somewhere else and I have to go with him." _

_I can feel the tears begin to fall immediately probably leaving mascara marks streaking my cheeks. I feel like my heart is going to explode it's thumping so hard in my chest, and I look down as the tears continue to fall. _

"_Where are you going?" I struggle out, my voice shaky. _

"_I-I don't want to say…" He explains while I look up at him, anger and sorrow filling my whole being. _

"_Why not?"_

"_Tris, I don't want you to think we can find eachother again...well, I don't want you waiting for me. I love you, but I don't want to torture you, or have the chance of you trying to run after me, even though I would love to see you again. I'm not saying that I won't ever come back for you but...what I'm saying is that I want to have a clean break." _

_I can feel my chest get tighter as I look up at him, realizing this will be the last time I see him. Sobs, I can no longer control, rack my body as he walks closer to me again, embracing me in a hug. _

"_I love you Beatrice. Please don't cry. I'll never forget you, and I will always have a spot for you in my heart. Be brave for me." He whispers into my ear, his lips brushing against my ear. _

"_I love you too, Tobias." I cry, soaking his shirt with my salty tears. He gently connects his soft lips to my forehead, and I close my teary eyes._

_He doesn't say another word as he walks out of my backyard, glancing at me over his shoulder. I stand there tears running down my face, my chest squeezing in pain as I watch his silhouette exit my yard for the last time. _

_End of Flashback:_

These memories flow through my mind as I stare at the picture of Tobias and I when we were twelve years old at the fair. A single tear drops on the the packing box that holds all my possessions, and I pull out more things that were all big subjects in my old room, the room Tobias used to visit. Living without him for three years have been literal hell. It seems like as soon as he left, everyone saw me as a different person, someone not worthy of being their friends, but more of their bullying victims.

About a year ago my father was awarded with a job in the government, and just a month ago he had been relocated to Chicago. I desperately pleaded for the full month not to leave. That was the only place that Tobias knew I lived at, and he had told me he would try to find me. I guess we really weren't meant to be, Tobias and I.

I look around my new room, placing the picture that holds a thousand memories onto my dresser. Looking back at my mostly empty boxes makes me feel empty. The only thing that can occupy my mind at a time like this is Tobias, his last words to me, and our kiss. In the past three years I never kissed or dated anyone, as no one thought I would be suitable for a friend, let alone a girlfriend.

Today was the first day of school in Chicago, and I went, Junior year, and even people at this school seem to ignore the shy girl. I sigh loudly as I gently pull up my sleeve, revealing my own self harm scars, probably about four of them line across my arm. I keep it to that many as I usually try to force myself not to make too many marks so I go over the scars once they have healed.

I can feel the lump in my throat as I think about what I've come to, and I have to choke back a sob. I sit on my bed tracing my scars with my fingers as I think back to when Tobias asked me to be brave. Tears sting the back of my eyes as I think about how I did exactly _not_ that.

I hear a gentle knock on my door and I quickly soak my emotions back in, pulling the sleeve to my jacket back down.

"Beatrice, can I come in?" I hear Caleb ask from the other side, his voice soft.

"Yes." I answer, and he slowly opens the door.

"Are you okay?" He asks looking me right in the eye as he walks over to me on my bed, lowering himself, sitting next to me.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just having some troubles adjusting to the change." I lie, biting my lip hard enough to keep the tears back.

"Are you sure? Beatrice, you can tell me anything. Mom and dad are both gone at work-like usual-and won't be back for a while, so its not like they will hear you."

As tempting as his words are, to finally get the guilt and sorrow off my chest, I know that my sadness will be too much for Caleb to handle, so I shake my head no. He rubs his hand on my back for a little bit, then gets up and walks out of my room.

I stand and walk to the picture I just set on my dresser before the short talk with Caleb, and take it back to my bed. I lie down despite the time being 7:43pm, and I hug the frame to my chest as tightly as I can, wishing in my head to see him just one more time. Deciding I will just miss dinner, I keep my eyes shut tightly falling into a restless slumber.

**So that is the first chapter and I hope you give my story a chance. Please review what you think of it and I will be so happy! Thank you for reading and I hope I get a few Reviews! next chapter will be soon!**

**~Divergent24-7**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

TRIS POV:

The next week goes on the same way, waking up, going to school, coming home, then going to bed. Caleb bothers me the least he can and my parents are gone before I wake up, and still gone when I get home and lock myself in my room.

As Friday approaches, I notice this girl in my third hour, English, start to take notice in me. Yesterday she followed me all the way to the bathroom, that I evidently eat lunch in. She paused outside the door while I slipped in before she turned around and walked away.

I didn't mind as much as I normally would, but today as I walked into the classroom I could feel her presence behind me, like a lion stalking its prey. By the time I get outside English class, I place my hand on the handle before I spin around fast, facing the girl.

"Why are you following me?" I spit, making it obvious that I dislike her.

"I...I just umm," she stops talking, her breath catching as she thinks about her next words, "I saw you sitting in the back of the classroom alone, and I felt bad so I followed you to see who your friends were...and I saw you go into the bathroom to eat by yourself."

I sigh as I turn around, ripping the door open and enter the mostly empty classroom. I don't turn back around to look at her as I take my usual seat in the back. Much to my dislike, she places herself in the chair next to me, turning towards me crossing her legs.

"Why don't you have friends?" She asks and I look at her with sarcasm lacing my expression. I'm about to say a remark regarding how obvious it is why I don't have friends, but she beats me to it. "Nevermind, that was clearly the wrong question to ask you. I was going to offer you to come sit with me in the cafeteria like a _normal _person, but as I take a second look at you I realized you're anything but normal."

She swings her legs out from underneath the desk, then picks her bag up, flinging it across her right shoulder. I watch as she makes her way to the desks placed in the middle of the room, and she begins talking to someone in the desk next to one she claimed. I put my head in my hands until the teacher begins the class, talking about the importance of Shakespeare.

I zone out for an hour as class drags on. After the period is up, I get up as fast as I can, my legs not making it to the door before I'm stopped by the girl again and her one friend. I keep my head down, trying to slip past her, but she puts her hand on my shoulder. My eyes stare at her black high heels, examining them as I lightly shake her hand off my shoulder.

"Please leave me alone." I whisper quietly, but loud enough for just her to hear.

"I realize that I was a bit of a bitch earlier but so were you. I just wanted to tell you my offer is still on the table. I'm positive my friends would love to add another member to our group." I rise my eyes to look into hers. Her face is pleading with me to agree, but my mind wanders to the last time I had a true friend, and how it ended. Without a warning my mind is filled with thoughts of Tobias, and I immediately feel a lump form in my throat, while choking back sobs.

"I-," but I don't get to finish before I'm interrupted by her.

"Please." She begs putting her hand on my jackets shoulder again, pulling on it to walk with her as she begins to exit the door. "You don't have to say anything unless you want to, just please come with me and give them a chance."

I huff, shaking her hand off my arm again following her to the lunch room that I never attempted to pay attention to, let alone step foot in. She leads me and the other girl, her friend, to a table housing two guys. I hesitantly take a seat next to the girl, shifting around uncomfortably as she takes out her abundant lunch. My eyes catch the attention of the two boys, them staring at me, then glance back to the girl for answers. She looks up, a ham and cheese sandwich stuffed in her mouth while she takes in the boys confused expression.

"Oh umm...this is a girl I meet in English. I forgot her name again though." She speaks rotating in her seat to look at me.

"Tris." I say, using the nickname that Tobias gave me, frowning at the thought of him.

"My names Uriah," one of the boys says, while his chocolate brown eyes bore into mine, "and this one here," he places his arm around the girls friend, "is my beautiful girlfriend Marlene."

"You don't always have to present me like that, Uri." Marlene giggles, causing him to shift his eyes to her. They stare at each other lovingly, and I have to switch my eyes away from them.

"I'm Christina." The girl says next to me also turning away from Uriah and Marlene. "And that guy over there," she points to the guy with blonde hair sweeping up into spikes in the front, neatly brushed in the back, "that's Will, _my _boyfriend."

She looks at him threateningly, as if that if he talked to me she would kill him, so he faces me and nods his head in hello.

The rest of the lunch goes by with an awkward mood in the air. I sit watching them as they eat and talk, deciding against taking out my one apple for lunch. Christina watches me closely, like if she looks away I would suddenly disappear, but I don't try to acknowledge her stares.

By the time the bell rings, I'm pleading with god to at least get me through the day without going through another situation like that. As I stand up, trying make it out of the lunch room quickly, Christina yet again captures my arm in her hand.

"It was nice having you, and I expect to see you again tomorrow."

I don't respond as I pull my arm out of her grasp, fast walking out of the cafeteria, and to my next class, free of anyone wanting to befriend me.

I trudge up the steps to my room on the second floor, my footsteps moving in sync with my heart beat, slow and steady. When I reach my room, I shove the wooden door open moving past it and into my sanctuary.

As I sit on my bed staring at the things that occupy my room, my mind wanders to the crazy girl, attempting friendship with me. I know that I screwed it up, and I know that no one would ever be accepting of me, so I should just give up. I'm not good enough for anyone, and I can feel a deep feeling in my stomach that, my life I just one big joke. No guy will ever love me.

The more days I wake up and act like everythings normal, the more I'm breaking on the inside, wanting to scream at someone that I'm not fine. That, yes, sometimes I think that people would have a better life if I hadn't been born. I've never affected somebody that bad that they want to kill me, but the more I think about it, they don't need me. Nobody needs me. As some may say, "What about your future children? If you aren't here, they won't be either," but I find it impossible for that to be true as I will never find another guy to love me, let alone let me bear their children.

If Tobias had just stayed with me, fought against his father, took his life by the reigns and told Marcus that he was staying and staying for me, then my life would be amazing. I wouldn't have to list out the pros and cons of offing myself while I cry, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

Before I know it my body is moving before my mind, and I'm walking to my dresser grabbing the framed photo of Tobias and I, chucking it as hard as I can at the wall closest to me. The glass shatters, pieces flying back at me, sticking themselves in my face and arms. One big fragment digs into my temple, and I can feel the blood begin to drip from it. I stagger to my bed ignoring the pain in my feet from the pieces on the floor.

My door is burst open as I take the seat on my bed and Caleb stands frozen in the doorway, "What the hell Beatrice?" He questions and he maneuvers himself carefully around the glass. I sit and continue to stare at him as the blood falls at a steady rate.

He finally gets to my bed and crawls on top of it, pulling his legs under his thighs. I look down at my hands as they begin to clasp together in front of me.

"Beatrice, what were you thinking?" He asks in shock, his hand lightly touching a medium size piece of glass in my shoulder. "I need to take you to the hospital."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, I stare up at him with wide eyes, "Y-you can't."

"You're bleeding all over, and you need to get the cuts cleaned properly." He states, his eyes filled to the brim with concern and authority.

"Please Caleb. If you love me you wont." I say, my eyes pleading with his.

"Beatrice…" he starts but trails off as he thinks about it. "I will only agree if we can both go down stairs while you let me clean your wounds."

I sigh in relief and nod my head in acceptance, while he huffs. He takes my hand and carefully leads me out of my room, heading me towards the kitchen. When we make it there, I can feel the fragments in my feet stinging me, forcing deeper into my skin with each step. Caleb instructs me to take a seat on the counter while he gets all the supplies-or first aid kit-we store under the sink.

He places them all on the counter next to me, then goes back and get a dish towel along with a bowl of water, and an empty bowl. He takes a chair from the dining room and places the back in front of me, guiding one of my legs to rest atop it. He pulls the tweezers out from the first aid kit, and begins plucking the glass out, one by one, placing them into the empty bowl.

As soon as he has finished one foot, washed it with the water and dish towel, then wrapped it up, he moves on to the next, silence surrounding us the whole time. It takes him a good ten minutes to finish with pulling out and wrapping all the cuts in my feet. He moves the chair back and cleans up a bit, telling me to stay seated on the counter.

He gets a paper towel drenching it in lukewarm water, and makes his way back over to me.

"I need to get that piece in your head...and it's going to hurt." He states, guilt and concern mixing in his eyes.

"Go ahead." I say, my hands clutching the corner of the counter like it will keep me together.

Caleb splits the wet paper towel in half, giving me a piece and telling me to put it to my head once he's pulled out the glass. He places his piece of paper towel onto the end of the glass while he pulls it out careful not the move it around too much. I wince in pain, scrunching up my nose while tightly shutting my eyes. I do as he said and put the wet paper towel on my head, the paper towel soaking up blood immediately. Caleb grabs a big bandage from the kit and unwraps it, sticking it to my gash as soon as I pull the towel away.

"I need you to take off your jacket." he says gesturing towards it.

My eyes get wide at the realization of what is happening, "No." I state, fast enough to be suspicious.

"Beatrice, take your jacket off so I can clean the wounds in your arms."

"No." I say slower this time, my heart kicking up speed. "I can do the rest myself."

"Take your jacket off, Beatrice, before I force you to the hospital." He replies, authority clear in his tone.

I look down as I gently slide my-now cloved in holes and marks-jacket off, revealing a back tank top that I wear as an undershirt. I take a deep breath as I hear Caleb takes a sharp intake of air.

"Beatrice, what are those?" he practically yells at me, while he points to the self harm scars that are visible on the inside of my forearm.

"Nothing." I reply quietly, refusing to look into his raging eyes.

"That is not nothing! Are you harming yourself intentionally?" He asks, clearly upset by the sight.

I don't respond, and make the mistake of looking up into his eyes. The usually cheery green eyes are dark and devastated, a pained expression crossing his face, causing guilt to bubble up in my stomach.

"Why, Beatrice?" he squeaks, his voice losing its strong, authoritative perspective. "I told you you could talk to me about anything."

I ignore the guilt, and huff out at him, "It's not what you think Caleb. I didn't cut myself, I cut it on branches from a bush I fell into a couple months back."

The lie feels thick on my tongue, and by the expression on his face he doesn't believe me, but all he does is sigh and give me one more sad look before continuing on taking the glass out of my arms, no further question asked.

**So I'm happy to say that this has been chapter two. I hoped you liked it, and I have a favor to ask. **

**I'm a 13 year old girl if you guys didn't know, and I aspire to be a writer when I grow up. I would really appreciate any advise to make my writing better, or to tell be about the ****business if you know anything about it. I would really appreciate it, and thank you for reading this far, so far. I love you all. Please review! **

**~Divergent24-7 **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

I decide against going to school the next day, a Friday, just to give myself some time to heal so that I'm not wincing every step I take. My brother helped me last night, cleaning my wounds then my bedroom, at the expense that he was going to stay home today also, and have a serious talk with me. I'm currently snuggled up in bed, blankets up to my chin, when I hear a soft knock at the door.

"Beatrice I'm coming in." Caleb says while I watch the knob slowly turn, pushing the door into my bedroom.

I stay cuddled in the corner facing towards Caleb, but I don't say a word, acting as if I don't acknowledge him. He walks across my room, sitting at the foot of my bed, placing his hand on my legs, that are covered with blankets. Sometimes Caleb reminds me of my father, he acts like him when he used to not work 24/7, but now that my father and mother are working night and day, my brother has taken the role of being my guardian.

"I want you to tell me what happened. Why did you throw that picture of Tobias and you at the wall?" He asks keeping his eyes on me, but I refuse to talk, not wanting to spill all my secrets. "Beatrice, please...I want to help you. I know him leaving was hard but its been three years, if you were really that mad, you would have done that the day he left."

I can feel the pain and sorrow from his words hit me like a ton of bricks. It has been three years. Tobias is almost eighteen, and he hasn't called me once, or tried to get on a plane and see me, but now he has no clue where I live.

The first few months after he left, I called him non stop, but he would never answer, his voice mail the last little piece of his deep voice I had left. After a while I stopped calling, my mind had finally wrapped around the realization that he was never going to pick up or call back.

"Please don't talk about him." I mumble, my voice weak from thinking about the past years.

"Beatrice, to help you, I need to know." He speaks gently while his hand continues to rub my legs.

"Caleb, I miss him." My mouth blabs before my mind decides whether or not it would be a good idea to say.

"I know you do. I know you two were close, and it's hard to lose someone like that, but if you miss him then why did you throw the picture at the wall?"

I take a deep breath, knowing he will keep asking unless I tell him something, and that something will have to be the truth. "I'm mad at him."

"Why?" Caleb questions me, his eyes thoughtful.

"Because he's the reason why my life went from heaven to hell." I speak, closing my eyes tightly, refusing to open them as the memories of my old friends bullying me flow back.

"By moving? Beatrice he had no control over that." Caleb says, and I know he's right, but he doesn't get my point.

"He kissed me." I sigh, the words streaming out of my mouth fast before I regret them.

"What?" Caleb asks clearly confused, and I open my eyes again. "When did he kiss you?"

"The night he left, he told me he loved me, kissed me, then walked out of my life." I speak, my voice a little shaky from having to say it outloud.

"So you're mad at him for that? I still don't understand why you would wait three year to act on those emotions."

"Because of him, I can't make friends anymore. I don't trust anyone, Caleb. They will all just leave me like he did." I explain, my heart kicking up speed as realization crosses Caleb's face.

For once in my life, Caleb is out of questions, out of words to say, and all I can do is stay lying down and stare at him. He looks at me then at the picture that used to be in a frame but is now just sitting on my dresser.

"My friends, the ones that I shared with Tobias, dropped me after he left. They began to bully me, and got a few others to help them. They spilled all the secrets I told them when we were friends. I couldn't do it anymore, and I can't now either."

"Have you tried calling him recently?" My eyes that had traveled down to his hand rubbing my leg, shoot up to his face.

"No...he would never answer." I say stunned at the idea. Caleb nods his head up and down slowly.

"That could be true, but if you ever really loved him, isn't it worth a shot?" He raises an eyebrow while he plucks my phone off my nightstand.

I fold the sheets over so my arms are mobile, and hold out my hands while Caleb sets the IPhone in them.

"Go ahead and call Beatrice. You did change your number after all." Says Caleb, standing from my bed and walking out my room, glancing back once as he shut the door.

My eyes wander to the phone lying in my hand, and it only takes a few seconds to unlock it. School ended here an hour ago, so if he is anywhere near my timezone, he has to be out too. I quickly click on my favorites list, and see the names scrawled across the screen. Caleb, Mom, Dad, and finally Tobias. I couldn't let him go, or delete his number, so as I changed my phone-and phone number-the only numbers I kept were those four's.

I can feel sweat on my forehead begin to build up as my thumb lies above Tobias's name, hesitating to press down. I close my eyes tight as I press his name, slowly bringing my phone up against my ear.

My heart is pounding so hard and fast that I'm scared it will burst, and I know the hope, alive in my being may soon be crushed. I gently push the covers off me swinging my legs to hang over the edge of the bed, listening while it rings once, twice, then three times.

Midway through the fourth ring, I hear a click and then it stops ringing.

"Hello?"

The voice wakes something inside me, my body going numb, my heart racing, my mouth unable to come up with words. No doubt in my mind that that is Tobias's voice in the other end, and all I can do is take a sharp intake of air at how much deeper it sounds, and how much I didn't know I longed for it.

"Hello?" Tobias says again, the wonderful sound of his voice in my ear. "Is anyone there?" another silence as I can't form words. "I can hear you breathing."

"I-" is all I'm able to squeak out before I can't move. I'm paralyzed, my body refusing to move, the shock of his voice overwhelming.

"Call me back, unless you have the wrong number, I'm a little busy at the moment." He says, trying to stay polite, but clear impatiens coming through in his voice. "Bye."

With that the phone goes dead, my mind as well, my body just as stuck. Nothing else in this world did I want more then to have one more conversation with Tobias, and I just had the opportunity, letting it slip from my fingers. I can't talk to anyone or see anyone, because I'm scared that if they asked me if I'm okay, I wont be able to hold back the cries. Instead of getting up and telling my brother, I lie back down, my head resting on my pillows, and my arms to in surprise to move the covers back over me.

My brother doesn't bother me the rest of the night, and no matter how hard I try my eyes won't shut, and my body won't allow me to fall to sleep. All I know is that this is going to be a restless weekend.

By third period, English, on Monday, Christina has already approached me about coming to sit next to her and her friends. At first I was nervous she was going to say something about the big scar on my forehead, although I attempted to cover it with makeup, but Christina never brings it up. I agreed to go to lunch with her, even in my emotional state, I can't deny someone of something they want, if I can help them. She just seemed so desperate to get me to sit with her, and I know she's the one trying to help me.

When I get to the lunch room, nobody but a few kids sit at the tables, most students busy getting lunch in the lunch line that I refuse to wait in. I sit at the table I sat at last time, same chair, and lie my head down, blocking out the commotion.

"Tris." Sighs Christina as she sits next to me. "I _would_ be happy to see you eating lunch with us, but you're not actually eating. Where is your lunch?"

I laugh a little at the sweet tone in her voice, "I'm not hungry."

"Oh so you've decided to be more talkative today?" She asks opening the container of salad she holds, dropping the subject of my lack of food.

"I never said that."

Uriah, Marlene, and Will soon join us, filling in the empty seats surrounding Christina and I.

"Hey, Tris. Nice to see you back." Uriah kindly greats me, smiling as he slides his arm around Marlene. I nod in response and acknowledgement. "Are you going to the game tonight?"

"What game?" My voice comes out weaker than anticipated.

"The football game. Uriah's on the team with his brother." Marlene inputs, smiling at her boyfriend.

"I guess I can go," I say softly, "but I don't have anyone to go with."

"Don't worry, you can go with Marlene, Will, and I." Christina offers, bouncing in her seat at the idea.

"I dont know if thats such a good idea, I mean, I'm not the best company."

"Don't be silly, Tris." She laughs. "I'm the one offering, aren't I?"

"I guess." I mumble agreeing.

"Fantastic, I expect you to be ready by five, if we want to get good seats." She practically squeals, jumping for joy just as the bell signalling lunch is over rings. I quickly move away from them after handing Christina my address, guaranteeing I will be ready by five.

It's almost five and I have just finished getting ready, making sure that my shorter sleeves are still long enough to cover to new scars I added on the inside of my forearm, not from the glass. I know I shouldn't have, as I had been 'clean' from cutting for sixth months, but I just couldn't help it, with Tobias's call hanging over my head.

I do some final touches on my make up and hair before I saunter down the stairs, not really wanting to go to the game anymore. I stand by the door folding the picture of Tobias and I, into my pocket for good luck. Since I have never done it before, and I always have bad luck, shouldn't I at least try to see if it will bring me good luck?

I only stand there for a few more minutes before my door bell chimes and I'm pulling the door open to be meet with Christina, smiling as she sees me.

"Thought I would never see you without a sweatshirt, glad to see a change." She smiles at me, then turning around and heading for the big black truck parked in my driveway.

I hesitate walking outside, my legs stuck, but eventually I make it, locking my front door behind me with a key. I walk to the truck and stuff myself in the back with Marlene, while Christina goes to sit in the front, with Will driving.

"So I never had the chance to ask you why you didn't come to school on Friday…" Christina asks as Will backs out of my driveway, heading towards our school.

"I wasn't feeling well." I lie, biting my lip to keep from spilling the truth.

"Oh well," says Marlene, "just a heads up, our teams quarterback is H-O-T!" Marlene squeals beside me, latching on to my arm.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" I ask confused by her sudden excitement.

"Ya Marlene," Will says, a hint of a smirk on his face, "I wonder what Uri would say."

"He already knows. The whole school is basically crushing on him." She laughs not caring one bit. An unexpected smile appears in my lips, a small chuckle bursting through them, catching Christina and Marlene off guard.

"Did Tris just laugh, Chris? Did she actually show an emotion other than, pissed-off-id-ness." Marlene giggles, making up words to describe my natural emotions.

"She did. Welp, I guess we are going in the right direction." Christina says just as Will pulls the truck into a parking space closest to the field.

We hop out of the truck and make our way to the schools 'stadium', paying the fee to get in. We make our way to the middle rows, far enough up to see at a good angle, and close enough to see anything at all.

The players are out on the field already, warming up their arms, throwing the ball to each other. I look around for anyone I recognize, but seem to come up with nothing.

"Looking for Mr. Quarterback?" Christina questions in my ear, laughing.

"No, I'm looking for anyone I recognize." I reply truthfully.

"Uriah's number nine, and his brother, Zeke, is number ten. Zeke is warming up with our cute quarterback, number four." She explains, pointing in the general area of everyone.

After another half hour, students from our school and from the opposing team begin to pile in, filling the empty seats around us. The game only begins soon after and we begin in offence. Throughout the whole game I sit silently, observing the players and their handle towards defensemen and offence men. Many are different and amusing, slightly moving to one side to protect the other side from collision.

I know football games were not made so you can see a person's reaction to someone coming to tackle them, but it's what I find myself searching for each and every time. By the fourth quarter, it's pretty obvious we are going to win. Currently the score is 24 to 34, us, and once again we have the ball, third and goal on six yard line.

The quarterback starts the play, and the players sprint around the field, most in the end zone. The quarterback frantically searches for someone open before he gets sacked, but no one is left without a defensemen right on their fronts. In a desperate attempt to make one more touchdown, the quarterback sprints to the end zone, his clearly muscular, six foot something body just barely making it as someone tackles him.

The refs call it a touchdown, and with that the students in the stand rush into the field congratulating the players on a fantastic game. I follow close behind Christina as she rushes herself, beating Will and Marlene to meet Uriah.

"Amazing touchdown second quarter Uri!" She shouts over the hollering while Will and Marlene finally arrive.

"Thank you." He says, bowing while laughing as Marlene comes to him, smacking her lips right to his.

"You did fantastic babe." She says when they pull away, and he just grins widely at her.

"So I thought it'd be about time you meet my brother and his friend Tris." Uriah says smiling, and all I can think about is how i've only known him for such a short time but I already feel like I'm beginning to fit in.

Uriah points behind him as two tall males walk up, both with helmets still on. The shorter one, probably 6'2 maybe, slips his helmet off, showing his resemblance to Uriah.

"This is my twin brother Zeke." Uriah introduces, nodding his head while Zeke reaches out a hand for me to shake, and I do. I then look over to the other guy, who has not even looked to us, he's still talking to another guy from the team. My curiosity takes place when I notice the four on his jersey, telling me he was the cute guy everyone's been telling me about.

"Four, budy, pay attention." Zeke says, placing both his hands on the guys shoulders, turning him towards him. "We are introducing you to people."

The guy laughs, deep and mesmerizing laugh, while he takes his helmet off. As soon the 'mask' is off his face, my eyes lock with his, and my body freezes.

"Tobias."

**So tell me what you think of this chapter please. Fourtris soon (maybe) if you review (for sure). Please review! **

**~divergent24-7**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

**A/N: This chapter gets a little more on the depressing side, so If you are not comfortable reading please don't read after they get out of the car, because it's a touchy subject. Thank you.**

TRIS POV:

"Tobias." I whisper, my voice not able to go up an octave.

His eyes go wide as he begins to recognize my face and who I am-or was-to him.

"Tris." He speaks, his voice holding back so much sorrow, but yet still filled with it.

"I'm sorry...do you two know each other?" Christina butts in, looking back and forth between the two of us.

I don't reply to her question but instead say, "If you will excuse me, I've gotta go." My voice finally working for a moment, along with my legs. I know that the longer I stay there, Tobias's deep blue eyes staring into mine, the more chance I have to have a mental breakdown.

"But you came with me!" Christina yells, but it's too late, I'm already running all the way off the field. By the time I make it to the sidewalk outside the school grounds, I'm winded, and in need of water.

I don't realize I'm crying until a tear hits the skin on my hand while I'm leaning down catching my breath. I bend down further, hands on my knees and I can't stop the next sob the wracks my body. After about two minutes of this, I hear footsteps coming near me, so I stand up straighter, still not able to see through my tear/fogged eyes.

"I don't need you here, I'm fine." I state, tears still streaming down my face, not helping my case.

"Even if it's me."

Tobias.

Another sob waves through my body and I fall to the ground, my legs unable to support myself anymore. Tobias rushes over sitting next to me, guiding me to sit up. We sit in silence for a while, me crying into my hands, his large hand rubbing my back.

"Please leave me alone." I whisper through tears, not raising my head an inch.

"Tris I-"

"No." I demand, my head shooting up. "I don't care who we used to be to each other. You left me."

His hand has stopped the gentle circles, and has returned to his side. I watch closely as he drops his head, hanging it, and we sit this way for much too long, students fleeing around us, ignoring the two people sitting on the curb. Eventually Christina approaches us, her eyes flashing with worry.

"Hey," she speaks softly looking at us, "I'm leaving now."

I nod my head preparing myself to get up and face everyone when Tobias reaches out hanging onto my arm. He pulls it down with just enough force so that I have to take a seat again.

"I can take her home." Tobias offers and before I can reject it, Christina has left, leaving with a sad smile.

As soon as she's out of sight, and not many people are exiting the football field, I stand abruptly, yanking my arm from his grasp. I begin to walk in the general direction of my house when I feel a soft touch on my shoulder, being Tobias of course.

"Tris wait." He stops me, turning me around so I have to look at him. "I'm bringing you home."

I shake my head, side to side fast in response, my words still not trustworthy.

"Please. I want to talk."

Instead of denying him, I roll my eyes, shoving his hand off me while walking in the general direction of the parking lot. I stop, waiting for his to pass by me and lead me to is car but he never does. I sigh again, rolling my eyes, turning around and to stare at Tobias as he stands there, the same expression of shock mixed with confusion plastered on his face.

"Are you going to take me home because, like I said, I'm fine with driving myself home." I say raising my eyebrows the look I'm giving him, almost a glare. I watch as his head nods slowly, his legs pushing him towards me, passing by headed towards a dull black camaro.

He unlocks the car, and is about to open my door for me before I stop him, opening the door myself while dropping into the car. I watch as he walks around the cars front, his black undershirt making it harder to see him in the night sky. I ignore the way his muscles bulge from underneath his sleeves, his eyes traveling to me as he sit in the car himself.

He shuts the door without taking his eyes off me, "Can we please talk?"

I close my eyes facing my head forwards not speaking and I can hear him huff. The car starts and I open my eyes when he begins to back out of his parking space. He drives until we are almost out of the school parking lot, then he stops the car looking at me.

I expect him to say something about talking to me but instead he says, "I need to know where you live." I tell him my address and his eyes get wide, staring into mine when I turn to him. "I live in that neighborhood."

"Great." I sigh sarcastically wishing I could go back and just left with Christina.

He pulls out heading towards 'our' neighborhood, and after five minutes the silence starts to ring in my ears, making me feel like I'm going crazy. I lean over and turn the radio on, the music playing softly, and I turn towards the window. I watch the weather, a few lightning strikes hitting the ground in the distance, one singular drop falling to my window. One after another more rain drops pound the window, and my eyes study the water starting to flow down the road as we drive by houses.

He pulls up to my brown two story house, putting the car in park and looking at me.

"Can we please talk...or at least give me a chance to explain why I never answered your calls." He pleads desperately, his ocean blue eyes drowning me like they always seem to do.

"Fine, go for it." I say impatiently, looking at him showing no emotion on my face.

"I want to say first off that I'm sorry. Tris, I didn't want to hurt you. I loved you and I was scared you would only yell at me on the phone, talking about how much you hated me for leaving you. Leaving you made my life hell an-"

"No," I cut him off knowing where he is going, "you can not say that your life was hell Tobias. Rachel, Ivan, and Mckenna all betrayed me when you left, they told all my secrets to everyone and they ended up doing horrible things to me. Ivan punched me a couple times and Rachel and Mckenna abused me verbally. I did things I regret, and I still do them because I can't stop. You put me in that position because you left."

By the time I'm done I'm yelling, throwing my hands in the air out of frustration, I can't take the pain anymore. It's like a knife digging into my chest, and I can't take it anymore, I want it to stop, my life to stop.

"Tris, I'm sorry." He whispers and I rip the car door open ignoring his apologies. I begin to walk, in the rain, up the sidewalk, to my house, ready to walk inside when he hops out of the car rushing to me. "Tris, wait."

"Shut up Tobias! Don't you get it? I don't want to see you anymore. I'm done. You left me...and now I'm leaving you." I say my voice getting quieter and quieter as my sentences go on.

I try to walk into my house, my hand unlocking it as fast as I possibly could and I'm about to yank it open when he grasps onto my sleeve, pulling it up as I squirm to get away. His hand laces around my arm, fingertips brushing up against my new marks on the inside of my wrist.

I try to shove him away but he doesn't budge, his hand firmly placed, and when his eyebrows bunch up together in confusion, his face looking down at my arm as he turns it around, I know he knows. My eyes begin to water as I look down at my scarred arm, nervous of his reaction. Two of the scars look brand new as they had been put there two nights ago, but the other ones look bumpy and old, my skin in the area popping out, a reddish pink color tone.

"Tris, what have you done." he gasps, worry and shock clear in his deep voice.

I know he knows, and I know there is no lying now because it's out, he knows one of my darkest secrets. "I gave myself what I deserve." I reply softly, goosebumps rising on my arms when he looks up into my eyes.

His normally deep blue irises have turned a cold dark blue, sorrow filled in them. The tears are definitely there, ready to fall from those beautiful eyes, one by one trickling down his face. I put those tear in his eyes, a grown almost adult, eyes watering at the sight of something I deserved and still do. I know the longer I stay out here and pretend like my insides are splitting apart, the longer I'm also making him suffer.

I disappear inside my house as fast as I can, ignoring the repetitive knocks at the door. His pleas and cries are heard but I don't act on them, instead I run up the steps, trying to get away for the pounds on the wood frame. Once I make it to my room, I look in my mirror, my red puffy eyes are first thing noticeable, and the tears are still coming, hitting my dresser as they plummet.

Caleb isn't home and won't be for another thirty minutes, and that should be enough time I hope, enough time to make the pain stop. I close my eyes, repulsed by my reflection, the way my nose is too long, and my body too small. I'm done with Tobias, and I know the pros and cons of living, and it seems like my cons are overruling my life.

I can still hear faint knocks on the door from Tobias, and I know he's desperate to see me, but I can't anymore. Tobias left me so I wouldn't go for him anymore, maybe I should leave for him this time. I deserve it.

I glance at the clock in the corner of my eye and I know I only have about twenty minutes until Caleb arrives, so I will have to make this quick. I write a note explaining my reasoning, and I make sure Caleb, my mom and dad all know it had nothing to do with them. I leave it on my bed after I signed it know it would be the last thing I ever wrote.

I unlock my bedroom door, instead locking myself in the bathroom leaning over to take out the medicine I keep for my migraines. Shaking the bottle around makes it sound like it only has a few pill but when it's opened, it has more than enough. I take a seat on the bath towel set on the floor for my feet when I walk out of the shower, and I slump against it getting relaxed. Reaching up, I feel for my razor, deciding to add a few marks to cause the torture I deserve.

I pour four pills into my hand from the bottle, dry swallowing them knowing that it will have more effect. About five minutes after, I take another four, slicing my arm every time I take pills, watching the red crimson blood ooze out of my cuts. My head gets foggy, my mind slowing down as I take another shot of five pills.

Now the pounding downstairs has stopped and I listen as best I can as the footsteps travel closer and closer. Their in my bedroom now, taking their time, probably reading my letter, and I know I have to speed it up. I take six more, gulping them down one by one, choking on them as they slid down my throat. So far I've taken fourteen, and there are only four left. I close my eyes as I add one more cut on top of a recent gash, more blood flows out.

My vision is blurred, my head spinning as I look at the door when the hammering begins, rapping against my down hard enough to make a hole. My head pounds every time the fist does and I don't feel my body tumble to the ground, falling over from my sitting position.

My head is in so much pain I just want it to end, or to take it back. The pounds double in seconds and I know I don't have much time left as the black dots invade my vision. My brain has all but exploded, killing me on the inside and all I want to do is go back, but I cant.

The things I just did are almost over, I've taken to many to go back now that my head hurts, and I can't be a wimp too. Me doing this already makes me a coward, but of course since I will be dead, their not aloud to call me of the such.

All I can think about is my first kiss, and it's the only thing I want to think about. As the black dots have swallowed all the color and sight I had left, I'm drifted off into the dark, my mind going still with my body.

**Thank you for reading. Please review, the more reviews the more updates. Reviews last chapter were amazing thank you. Please review.**

**~Divergent24-7**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

TOBIAS POV:

The car ride to her house is silent, my mind having nothing else to do but think about the last time I saw her. When the rain starts, pounding against the windshield, and I so badly want to turn around to look at her, stare into her beautiful blue-grey eyes before hatred appeared at the sight of me. I loved her and I still do, I always will.

After about another five minutes I pull into her driveway, my heart pounding as I know I'm going to ask her one more time, just to let me explain myself. I put the car in park, keeping the doors locked and I stare over at her, waiting for her to stare back like we used to.

"Can we please talk...or at least give me a chance to explain why I never answered your calls." I plead with her, begging for a second chance. I watch as her beautiful eyes flick between the two of mine, conflicting emotions clear in them.

"Fine, go for it." She says looking at me her face soaking back all the emotion showing before.

So I whisper quieter than anticipated, "I want to say first off that I'm sorry. Tris, I didn't want to hurt you. I loved you and I was scared you would only yell at me on the phone, talking about how much you hated me for leaving you. Leaving you made my life hell an-"

"No," she cuts me off, her face clearly upset now, "you can not say that your life was hell Tobias. Rachel, Ivan, and Mckenna all betrayed me when you left, they told all my secrets to everyone and they ended up doing horrible things to me. Ivan punched me a couple times and Rachel and Mckenna abused me verbally. I did things I regret, and I still do them because I can't stop. You put me in that position because you left."

Her eyes are filling with salty tears, ready to streak down her face, and she is obviously angry with me.

"Tris, I'm sorry." Is all I can think to say, but she doesn't care, and I know that this reaction is what I deserved but it doesn't stop me at chasing after her when she rips the car door open, walking out into the rain. "Tris, wait."

"Shut up Tobias! Don't you get it? I don't want to see you anymore. I'm done. You left me...and now I'm leaving you." She yells at me getting quieter as the sentences go on, her still trudging up to her front door, me in hot pursuit.

She makes it when I reach her again, missing and she's able to unlock the latch on her door before I finally grasp onto her sleeve. I keep it in my hand when she wiggles, trying to be released from me so she can run off to her sanctuary. Her arm slips a little and I clutch at anything I can grab, ending up with her arm in my hand still, my figures wrapped around her forearm. I'm able to feel slight bumps on the inside of her forearm, some almost feeling like scabs. As soon as I'm about to ask how she injured herself, she flips out, struggling to push me away, her eyes wild with fear. I keep my grip strong knowing its much more than someone hurting her, as she wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it. I rotate her arm, when she settles down, and I instantly see four slashes across her skin, two newer looking and two old. My mind concentrates on the way the skin ripples in the scar, and I'm positive that those marks were made by a blade. Her blade.

Frantically I try to tell myself I'm wrong but when the tears appear in the back of her eyes, I know I've made the right assumption. I can feel the guilt of pushing her to this, deep, boiling inside the pit of my stomach, making me feel almost sick. This is my fault.

"Tris, what have you done." I gasp, my voice cracking a little in pure shock still.

The next words that come out of her mouth break my heart, "I gave myself what I deserve." she mumbles, clearly not knowing what she deserves.

My heart shatters when I look up into her blue stormy eyes, usually strong and beautiful, now weak and worried. The next thing I know she's slipped away into her house without saying another word, leaving me with thousands of questions. How could I ever let her do this? How could I just let myself move out of her life for good, ruining hers?

I don't know what to think and all I can do now it pound on her door rapidly, waiting for it to click open, her safely next to me. For some reason I know that that is not going to happen, but I keep knocking, waiting and waiting, my fist smacking against the wood harder each time I get more worried.

After god knows how long, a bright, in the dark night, blue suv pulls into the driveway opening the garage, and sliding into one of the two spots vacant. A boy, I suspect as Caleb, jumps out of the car, locking it as he walks towards my car, inspecting it to see if anyone is inside.

"Caleb." I yell loud enough so he can hear, his head shoots up towards me, eyes locking with mine. "I think your sisters doing something bad, we need to get inside the house!"

His eyes widen, beckoning me inside through the garage, and I sprint up the stairs, my feet thumping loudly against the flooring. I look at Caleb, not far behind me, making sure he's keeping up.

"I'll go find the key." He says, running towards the master bedroom when he see's, what I'm guessing to be her room door, closed.

I don't hear a single noise when I put my ear up to the wood door, straining to hear one little movement. My hand migrates to the door knob and I slowly turn it, to my surprise, pushing the door into the plain bedroom. I don't see anything, but a piece of lined paper folded over once placed on the bed. Carefully I make my way over, plucking it off the sheets, unfolding it, my eyes meet with pretty, cursive hand writing.

_Dear my loved ones,_

_By the time you read this letter I will be gone, moved on from my life. I'm sorry it ever came to this but between the bullies and, just myself being me, this is something I deserve. My destiny that was inevitable, because fate happens. I love you all, please know that. Please don't give up because I did, you all deserve more. Please. I will watch you from above, always. Be brave. _

_Love,_

_Tris Prior _

I can't help but stare at the sheet of paper, my mind going off the rails as I finish reading it. She's going to kill herself, and with the amount of time she had, she definitely could have achieved it. Suddenly, my head yanks towards the bathroom door closed after hearing a small sniffle come from behind it. My legs move faster than they ever have before, running to the door, banging on it as loud as I can, yelling for Tris to stop.

Caleb comes bounding into the room the next second, carrying a small key, moving quickly towards me, putting the key in the keyhole, turning the knob, but the door doesn't budge. We both began pounding on the door, hoping and praying the worst has not been done, that she is still breathing behind this door.

I grab the keys from Caleb's shaky fingers, trying the lock myself, unsuccessful the first time. I slam my own head against the door in frustration, shoving the key back into the key lock trying one more time, carefully so that it can finally open. Thank god it does, but when I look around and spot Tris, I'm cursing under my breath, my heart kicking up speed even more, if possible.

Tris lies on her side, eyes closed. In her right hand is an almost empty pill bottle, and in the left is a razor, sharp enough to cut a finger off. The razors edges have blood on them dripping down, and as I look more at her I notice the massive amount of red liquid being drained from her forearm, pouring out into a puddle around her.

Caleb is standing still, his body frozen, paralyzed by the scene in front of us, where as my body acts fast, running over to her and quickly checking for a pulse. And my body goes numb. My fingers gently touching her neck feel nothing against them, complete and utter stillness. I am too late.

The events that take place next are all blurry, my mind completely out of focus, my thoughts killing me on the inside. I called the police, only seconds after I felt for her pulse and they said they were on their way. The lady on the phone kept trying to tell me to stay calm, but I knew that was never going to happen. Tris was dead.

Now I sit next to her body, the phone on the floor, Caleb sitting in her room, to shocked to do anything but cry. My hand gently caresses her hair, as tears cascade down my cheeks, my body to numb and scared to do anything but rub her head. I can hear the sirens off in the distance, blaring out loud noises while speeding down the road. They made it here in four minutes...so she's been gone for approximately five minutes.

I don't move when I hear the ambulance pulling up in front of the house, and I still stay here when the paramedics come pounding through the open garage. Caleb eventually calls out to them after they search the downstairs, as they rush up the stairs and into the room than bathroom, not stopping for a second when they see me and Tris.

I know they have to do their job but I can't let go of her, my arms refusing to move from their current position. Soon enough I'm pushed back by the paramedics, them screaming words at me, one's my ears have gone to numb to understand. One of them grabs me by the arm pulling me to get out, as another begins CPR on her stone still body.

This is the last thing I really fully remember before I'm in the ambulance, riding with them and Caleb to the hospital. They continue to do CPR, and after the truck begins to move they start with the defibrillator, peeling her shirt off her body, leaving her in a bra, shocking her multiple times. My hope diminishes when the third shock doesn't work, and soon after the fourth, the ambulance pulls into the hospital.

They switch back to CPR, pushing the stretcher into the hospital, then leading to a room. The hospital worker yell and scream at me and Caleb when we try to follow, saying that we need to have a seat either outside the room or in the waiting room.

We both make our way to the chairs placed outside the room, she's currently trying to be revived in and Caleb pulls out his phone, clicking on his mothers name, then placing the phone against his ear.

I don't hear when Mrs. Prior answers, but I certainly hear Caleb, his voice shaky and strained.

"Mom, get to the hospital immediately." He says, tears finally beginning to trails his face as the full impact comes down on him. "Tris...she's not okay."

Caleb soon after ends the call, his hands shaking horribly as he sets the phone in his lap. We are soon engulfed in almost complete silence, just the faint noise of doctors working in the background.

About five minutes later a doctor with white clothing comes out of the door, looking at us, and we both stand up fast. His eyes are filled with sadness and I can only assume they haven't done what they needed to, to bring her back to life, but then he begins speaking.

"She's stable, for now. We were able to revive her, but we are not sure when she will wake up. We assume it will be at least tonight that she is under, and she will wake early tomorrow hopefully. If there is permanent damage to her brain from the amount of pills she took, she may not wake for another few months, or years, stuck in a coma state. This also depends on her readiness to face the world she just tried to leave, and if she does wake tomorrow, expect her to be emotionally unstable." The doctor explains giving us the pity face that I hate with all my being.

Caleb tear come down faster and more abundant, even though the news was good compared to what I expected. I sit back down without saying a word, my mind to busy thinking about how lucky I am she's alive.

"Can we go in?" Caleb says through the sobs.

"You may, but do you have anyone on their way because I can send them in when they arrive." The doctor states looking at Caleb.

I don't bother to listen anymore before I slip into the room, the nurses doing their lasts checks on Tris, then walking away. I take the seat next to the bed, grabbing her hand, even though I know she hates me. I love her, and this is all my fault.

Soon enough Caleb enters with, to my surprise, Mrs. Prior, taking a seat in the chairs on the other side of the bed, ignoring the one next to me. Mrs. Prior has a worried expression and I can tell she's on the verge of tears. Though her eyes take a second to look at me after she stares at Tris.

"Who are you?" She asks, not in a harsh tone, but softly.

I sigh knowing I can't say anything but Tobias, or she will make me leave, "I'm Tobias from a few years ago."

Her eyes widen when she snaps her head back at me from looking at her daughter. "Tobias?" shes asks, "What are you doing here?"

"I-I live in Chicago. I moved here with Marcus."

"You-you moved _here_?" Caleb pipes up, speaking in pure curiosity, then suddenly his eyes turn cold. "You're the reason she was bullied. You're the reason she went into depression. You kissed my little sister then left her! You're the reason she cut herself! And you are the reason she tried to kill herself!" He begins to yell, screaming the words at me as he stands up making his way towards me. "This is all your fault! You did this to her! You drove her to this! I'm sure she hates you as much as I do now!"

He finally reaches his, and I don't try to protect myself when his first blow comes, his fist colliding with my face, just as Marcus's has. He continues to beat me up, throwing me out of the chair, tossing me to the ground and kicking my newly scarred back, thanks to Marcus. I can feel the scabs from previous lashes begin to rip open, blood soaking the back of my shirt. But I don't stop him, I deserve this for all I've done to Tris, I'm a horrible person.

Soon Mrs. Prior tares Caleb away from me, throwing his out of the room telling him to calm down, take a deep breath. He does as said not coming in as Mrs. Prior helps me off the floor.

"Tobias, I'm going to go get a nurse to help clean you up okay?" She asks looking me in the eye, with what I would have assumed be detest but actually worry.

I shake my head rapidly, "No please don't. They can't find out."

"Find out what?" She questions her eyebrows scrunching together.

"Nothing, I can do it myself."

"No," she states, looking at me confused, "it's either the doctor or me who's helping you."

"Fine, but please don't ask any questions." I say pleading with her, hoping she won't.

"Tobias, your back is bleed a lot more then it should, please just let me help you." She says, and my breathing gets harder.

I turn around and peel my bloody shirt from my body. The sharp intake of air from behind me frightens me, making me worried Mrs. Prior will tell someone.

"Tobias, how did you get these scars?" She asks, beginning to clean my now fresh wounds.

"I don't want to answer that." I speak, and she continues cleaning without a further word, probably ignoring the curiosity. I know I will have to tell her sooner or later.

After ten minutes of cleaning my back and wrapping it, she offers ice for my black eye and split lip, that I gladly accept. She then goes and lets a calmer Caleb back in, and he doesn't look at me, just going to sit back in his seat, staring at his sister.

I know I wont be able to sleep at home so I sit back in the chair setting my alarm for six in the morning, just incase she's up, early as the doctor said. When I slouch back, I find a partially comfortable position, closing my eyes, setting aside the fact that my back stings like hell. Eventually I fall asleep, my eyes closing to the sight of Tris in the hospital bed.

**Tell me what you like and dislike. I would love to hear some reviews. The reviews last chapter were amazing, keep it up. How did you like Tobias's POV? It took me longer because I was trying to get it just right, I'm not sure because, I'm not a guy. Thank you for reading. Please review!**

**~divergent24-7**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

TRIS POV:

The first thing I hear when I become aware again, is the beeping noise next to my head. I try to tune it out but the noise is so repetitive, there is no way I would be able to fall back into my dark state, the one I would like so much more than the bright world. I don't hear any voices behind the beeping, just a soft snore, and a little breathing.

Slowly, but surely I begin to open my eyes, looking to the light streaming in through the partially closed window. I glance around the room, hospital room, and I'm sure this is not heaven. I know that I didn't achieve my goal, and now I'm forced to suffer through the questions and tears of everyone around me. In a chair to my left sits my brother, and next to him sits my mother, both of them sleeping with red puffy eyes from crying. I notice that to my right the chair is pushed out, almost like another person was in this room not to long ago, and I'm expect that to be my father.

I lie there, switching my eyes to the ceiling instead of the depressing scene around me. Not to long after I decide to just wait until everyone is awake, the thick wooden door is pushed open and in walks the last person I want to see.

Tobias.

He holds a coffee in his right hand, his shirt from the other night still on him, with blood stains. I notice his black eye, and split lip immediately, and his eyes soon lock with mine. His deep blue irises fill with something I've never seen before, and I can't tell what the emotion is.

"Tris." He speaks softly, rushing into the seat that I thought was occupied by my father. He stares at me as he puts his coffee down on the ground, then taking my hand in his, holding it like it's the last thing he has of me.

I don't speak not knowing what to say, and I slide my hand out of his, putting it over my stomach. I can feel the wrap that is on my arm, putting pressure on the cuts that were bleeding because of me. My eyes look away from him, looking back up at the ceiling, ignoring how much that might have hurt his feelings.

"Tris…," he pleads, trying to take my hand back into his, "please. Please talk to me, Tris."

I keep my eyes on the tiled ceiling, not moving his hand from mine as I know I should just go with it. All I ask is, "What happened to your face?" My voice is rough and scratchy and it stings my head, the headache that was faintly there, coming on stronger.

"Your brother doesn't like me to much." He states as if he were telling me the weather, as if it's not that big a deal my brother beat him up.

Despite my heads agony, I say, "And you didn't win?"

"It's impossible to win if I don't fight back," he says quieter than before, looking over at my brother who is beginning to sturr, "I did deserve it as I'm basically the one who put you in here."

My eyebrows scrunch up, confused by his statement. He put me in here? No, I put myself into here. He didn't touch me once, he just set me off.

"I put myself in here." I say, raising my eyebrows in confusion again.

"No...well yes, but I'm the one that drove you to the things you did…," and as I finally look over at him I notice that it wasn't just his voice that sounded a little weak, but his face has tears running down it, sadness lacing his expression, "I'm so sorry for all I did, Tris. I really am. I shouldn't ever have left you. It was a horrible thing to do and I know I'm a horrible person. I would understand if you think of me like of how I think my father. I know I'm just as bad as Marcus."

I stare at his face for a while, soaking in his emotional state, the one I evidently put him in. I decide against commenting on the last words he said, and instead I say, "Why are you here?"

"Do you want me to leave…," he asks his voice as valuable as ever, "because I can, I know you hate me. I just...I want to know...why. Why would you try to do something like that Tris...I-I still love you, and just almost lost you."

"I don't want to talk about it." My voice comes out horse, my eyes beginning to tear up.

"Please tell me when you're ready, I made a mistake Tris, and I still love you."

"You can't love me Tobias. I already tried to kill myself, what do you think is keeping me from trying again. Maybe next time I won't make it out alive. Just because I survived doesn't mean I'm automatically cured. I'm still thinking about the same things I did before, and I want you to understand that, soon I may be dead, and I don't care if you know because as soon as I'm out of here, so are you, and you won't be around me 24/7. Whoever saved me, stopped me from something that I wanted, and just because I wound up here in a hospital bed instead of the ground, it doesn't make me _not_ want to still seal my fate." I explain my voice rising a little, and Tobias stares at me with his own depressed face, sad at what I said.

"Tris please don't do that." He begs his big blue eyes pleading with mine. "I love you, and I can make it better, just please give me a chance."

"You left me you know." I state, thinking hard about his offer...to make me better.

"I know, and it was the worst decision I've ever made. That kiss was real. Please tell me you remember it. I felt like I was light on fire, and then I was melting." He says, his eyes off somewhere else, daydreaming about it.

I can feel the goosebumps rise on my arms as I think about his smooth lips softly pressed against mine. Do I really want that again? That's all I've ever wanted, but should I give in that easily?

Then he speaks again, "I know I broke your heart, but if you would, I would love to call you mine, Tris. I know you probably hate me, but I can teach you to love yourself. I can help you, just please give me a chance."

I'm on the verge of breaking, all the tears I've been holding back, all the sobs I've not shown for Tobias's disappearance, all come flushing over me at once. I drown in them, my mind and heart shattering. All I can do is swing my legs from around the bed, uncovering myself, showing off my hospital gown, and fall into Tobias's lap. My sobs soon turn loud, drowning out the noise of my heart monitor, and the soft breathing of my brother and mother.

Tobias takes his big hand, rubbing it up and down my back, occasionally finding an opening in the gown, and his fingers glide over my skin. My wails soon turn into cries, quieting down, and to my surprise my brother and mother were not awoken, probably because my sobs were muffled by Tobias's shirt.

"I missed you so much." Tobias whispers his fingers gently pushing my hair behind my ear.

"I missed you too." I mumble back, my voice cracking a few times. I keep having to take a deep breath in only to face tears again stinging the backs of my eyes. My head begins to feel lightheaded, the whole impact of moving around finally having an effect on my feelings.

The world seems to spin as I lift my head from Tobias's chest, looking around everything seems blurry. It's funny how one second I don't feel a thing, but now my head is exploding in anguish.

I don't hear the next words that come from Tobias, but his face is filled with concern. He gently grabs my waist, bringing my limpish body back to the bed, carefully laying me down. As soon as my head hits the pillow and stays there for another two minutes, my sight starts to clear up, along with my hearing.

"Tris, are you okay? I'm going to call the doctor in...and wake up your family." He says before he kisses my forehead, walking out of the room.

I sit still, not moving a muscle, scared that if I did I would be swallowed back into the dark abyss. My mind is not able to comprehend the next movements, nor the next actions. All I know is that after a while, a male in white clothing enters the room with Tobias.

"Ms. Prior. It's good to see you awake." He states coming closer to the side of my bed. "Where are you hurting at the moment?"

"My head." I whisper, barely able to squeak the words out.

"That has something to do with a thing called malnutrition and the pills you took. Malnutrition is when a person does not get enough food to eat, their bodies react in an odd way, attempting to protect itself. The pills obviously are going to have an effect and this is it. The pain in your head will stay for a while until you have absolutely no trace of those pills in you, and you have nutrition replacing it. I just need to ask you a few questions but, I figure you should wake up your folks and talk to them first. Come get me when you're done." He says smiling at me, and doesn't give me a chance to respond before he heads out again.

"I can wake them." Tobias says to me, then silently walks over to their seats. "Mrs. Prior, Beatrice is awake."

Her eyes shoot open, and to my surprise, so do Caleb's, all the four eyes catching mine immediately.

"Beatrice!" Caleb yells, only to feed my brains pain. He runs over to me, sleeping totally forgotten, and embraced me tightly. "What the hell were you thinking? I love you so much, and just the thought of losing you hurts."

I hug him back, not as tightly, and I don't respond knowing that whatever I say will never be a good enough excuse for him. He pulls back after a few moments, and then my mother embraces me, softer and gentler.

"Baby, please never ever do that again. I'm so sorry I'm always gone, I'm going to be home more often now. I talked to my boss and he agreed that I can quit if I want, but I still have a few days to decide. I'm so sorry, I love you." She whispers all this into my ear, a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Please don't do that mom. I would love you back home, but our house is quite large and we need some money. I don't want to be the reason you quit." I say back, staring straight into her eyes and making sure she knows that I want her to keep her job.

"Okay sweetie." she whispers quietly into my hair as she kisses it.

"I need to talk to the doctor, so you guys can go get some breakfast." I speak louder, everyone nodding their heads in approval.

"I will send him in." Tobias says from his position by the door, as he holds it open for my mom and brother.

Silence greets me as soon as the door has shut lightly, and my head gets to relax into it. Not so long after they leave though, the doctor comes into the room, clipboard in hand.

"Hello again Tris." He greets as a warm smile spreads across his face. "As I said before I have a few questions before I get you some food to eat."

I nod my head, signaling that I'm ready for the questions, even though I would rather do anything else.

"When was the last time you ate?" He starts out with.

"The day before yesterday." I answer simply keeping my eyes on him.

"And what was the food you ate?"

I think back and remember the small salad that filled my stomach, "I had a salad."

"Why did you not eat much yesterday, and I understand the nighttime you had no dinner, but breakfast and lunch are just as important." He says looking up from his paper.

"I wasn't hungry."

"Is this something you do quite often?"

"I don't know, I eat when I'm hungry." I say my voice getting weaker.

"Are you hungry now?"

"Yes." I state just so he can get out of here. I feel more like I'm being interrogated in stead of simple questions to help my health.

"Alright, your family said they were just getting something from the cafeteria and will bring you food. I expect them to be here soon. I don't want to push you to talk about last night, but I encourage you to go to a therapist. It might help a lot more than you expect." He explains and scoots out of his chair, walking out the door, carrying his clipboard.

I lay my head flat against my pillows, thinking about what he said about my eating habits. I've never thought much of it, just eating what I want when I want it. I'm not that skinny so it doesn't seem like I could have not eaten enough. I wait for about fifteen more minutes, enveloped in the same silence I was in before the doctor came in.

Soon enough Tobias, my mom, and brother walk in, Tobias carrying two trays of food. They all take the seats they were in before. Tobias doesn't say a word as he helps me sit up, placing the tray of eggs and bacon on my lap. We all eat in silence, me only making it to one bacon strip before I can't stand the quiet aroma.

"Can I have a minute alone with...um Tobias?" I ask facing my brother and mother, both of them raising their eyebrows at me.

"Um, sure sweetie." My mother says standing up with her tray of food. "Caleb and I will be in the cafeteria, we'll come back when we are done eating."

I watch them closely as my brother glares at Tobias, walking out of the room with his tray. They close the door tightly behind them and I glance over at Tobias. He has also stopped eating the food on his tray staring at me with confused eyes.

"I just didn't want to talk to them yet." I whisper, my mothers sad ridden eyes carved into my memories.

"That's fine, but I want you to eat your food okay?"

I nod placing a forkful of egg in my mouth.

"Why do you love me?" I ask randomly, staring at my eggs stabbing my fork into another piece but just messing with it.

"Tris, you are an amazing person. I love you because not only are you the most beautiful person I've ever meet, but you're beautiful on the inside too. You're brave and smart and selfless, and you can stand up for yourself. I aspire to be like you but, I can't be like all you are. No one else on this planet can be as amazing as you." He speaks grabbing my left hand that was lying across my body. "I will always love you, and I want to call you mine. I turn eighteen in about two months, and I'm moving away from my father. I know you don't want me around 24/7 but that is how long I crave to be around you. You were the first and only girl I've ever kissed and I want it to stay that way. I want you to be the only girl I ever kiss, because I love you and only you."

Tear are now threatening to run down my cheeks again, his words making my crave him as much as he said he craved me. I want to be his only girl, I want to be his, but I don't know if that is what's best for me right now.

"I don't know if a boyfriend is what's best for me right now...I mean, not even 24 hour ago I attempted to kill myself." I whisper, my hand that is in his has electricity flowing through it even though I basically just denied him.

His eyes are full of sorrow and understanding, but not pity, "I understand. I just want you to know that I'll be waiting, even if we grow old and you still need time, I'll be waiting. I love you and I will never stop loving you."

I nod my head, and we both go back to eating our breakfast in a quiet mood, me thinking of my options and what I can do with them.

**Tell me what you think, and yes Fourtris will be coming soon. I love you all and thank you for reading so far. Please review!**

**~divergent24-7**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

TRIS POV:

It's been three days, and I'm finally being discharged. My doctor has referred me to a mental health specialist, who my parents are very eager to have me try out. I definitely don't want to go because all I'll most likely have to do is talk about my suicide attempt. It's been a little awkward, people refusing to talk about what I did, refusing to say the words, suicide, self harm, depression, and death. I wouldn't mind them speaking those words as much as I mind what they have been saying, things like, "We think you should consider help because you did...that stuff." causing it to make things even more awkward.

Tobias is around a lot, constantly asking if I want anything, whispering that he loves me before I fall asleep. It was a Monday night when I tried to kill myself, so he does have school to go to, and as soon as he leaves the campus, he comes straight here. I've asked him what his father thought about him being gone so much and what he had told me made me quite upset. He had said, "My father wants me out of the house as much as possible, plus it gives him a reason to beat me." After he had said that I told him to go home but he yelled at me saying that I needed him more that he needed safety. Of course that started a big fight.

It's six o'clock at night and my parents are just signing the release forms, glancing back at me ever so often as Tobias helps me get all my medicine, for my cuts, into a bag. When they are all shoved into the plastic bag, and I'm in normal clothes, Tobias holds onto me, helping me stand.

"Thank you." I whisper, my head a bit dizzy for the sudden change in position.

"You're welcome." His husky voice mumbles back. "Would you like me to drive you home, or do you want to go with your parents?"

Tobias knows how unusual it has been around my parents lately, every move I make they stare me down, making sure I'm okay. So I respond with a, "That would be wonderful."

After he lets me lean against the railing of the hospital bed, I look over to my parents who both are talking to the doctor, something about my eating habits, and depression. I shake my head not wanting to hear the things they are saying about me.

"Mom. Dad. Can I just head out with Tobias? I really want to get home." I ask louder to them, and everyone in the room turns to look at me.

My dad's eyes judge Tobias but before he can say anything, my mom says, "That's fine sweetie, we will meet you back home."

I simply nod my head, walking out the door of the room. I stop when I notice Tobias not right by my side. Pearing into the room, I see my mother talking to him, telling him something that he nods his head to. Instead of eavesdropping I lean against the wall waiting patiently for Tobias.

Soon enough he comes out, my medicine bag still in his hand and he stares at me until we both begin to walk in silence to the parking lot. Once there, he quickly finds his car, him helping me gently slide into his passenger seat, then heading around the car into the drivers seat.

Once he starts the car and we are on our way to my house, I can't help but continue to steal glances at him like I used to in 7th and 8th grade. His chiseled jaw line is taut, his midnight blue eyes glued to the road, and his left hand gripping the steering wheel. I watch as he quickly looks at me, our eyes meeting for a millisecond.

"What's wrong Tris?" He asks, assuming that I'm staring at him because I'm not okay.

"Nothing." I reply shortly, still staring.

"Your mother wants me to stay at your house for the rest of the week, till not the next monday but the one after." Tobias says, glancing at me again before staring at the road straight ahead.

That's what he must have agreed to in the hospital room...but why? So I ask, "Why?"

"She said that her and your father have to be at work early and won't be home till late. They have to make up for the work they missed, attending to you in the hospital room. Also that your brother is going on a science trip to Flordia all next week, leaving tomorrow night. She asked me to stay with you and make sure I watch how much you eat and what you do." He explains, not looking at me at all anymore, probably nervous for my reply.

"So you're like my babysitter?" I ask raising my eyebrows, my eyes stuck to him.

"In a way I guess...but I will miss next week of school, and you will miss tomorrow and next week, she said she wants you to get better and to heal a bit. We can do some fun things if you'd like, like go to the movies or something. It will be more like how we used to have sleepovers except I'm staying in your guest room." He tells me, making me remember all the exciting sleepovers we used to have.

"So you're spending the night tonight?" I ask, looking out the front windshield again.

"Actually no, I'm going home to tell my father and to pack, tomorrow night at around eight I will be at your house." He says, as he finally pulls into the driveway of my house.

"Thank you for the ride, and if your father gives you a hard time, please come over." I beg and he looks over at me while nodding his head.

"Good-bye Tris, I'll see you tomorrow." He says, handing me the bag of medicine.

"Good-bye Tobias." I almost whisper, climbing out of the car.

Once inside my house, I watch through the window as he drives away to his inevitable doom. I feel bad for making him get beat up for helping me, and the thought that I can't do anything about it hurts.

I try to ignore the dizziness in my head as I walk up the stairs heading into my room. It's left the same way it was before, everything not touched except for the note I left on the bed is gone. I slowly make my way to the bathroom, bracing myself for the sight of whatever might still be in there, but as I step into the bathroom, nothing lies on the floor, no blood, no pills, and no razor. My shower mat is gone, probably thrown away because of blood stains, and as I look in my shower, I notice that I have no more sharp objects. Under the sink, all my medicine has been taken away, the only thing left behind is a tube of mascara and an eyeliner pencil, no sharpener.

I sigh quietly to myself, sitting on the hood of the toilet looking around the bathroom, thinking about all the things I am stripped of. I set the bag of medicine, that my doctor gave me, onto the counter, dumping out the contents.

Inside is two tubes of rubbing cream to put on my cuts, wrap to cover the cuts in my forearms, and one bottle of liquid medicine that the doctor made clear would not kill me if I drank it all. I peal of the bandage that is on my cuts, throwing it in the trash, that is now empty too. I lightly touch the cuts, running my fingers over the bumps of the scabs.

"Tris!" I hear someone bellowing from outside my room.

"Come in!" I yell back walking into my room leaving the medicine on my counter and no bandage on my arm.

The door opens and in walks my brother, his eyes focused on me as soon as he enters the room. "Mom and dad will be here soon, and told me to look after you. Sorry it took me so long, I didn't know you were home."

"I'm not going to attempt suicide again soon Caleb, it's fine." I say, him visibly flinching at the word suicide. I lie down in my bed pulling the covers over my body still staring at him.

"I'm just going to make sure you go to bed okay?" he says looking back at the door but then deciding to take a seat on my bed.

"Caleb, I can't fall asleep with you in here, and it's not like I still have things I can kill myself with...so can you please leave so I can have a good night in my own bed finally?" I ask, raising my eyebrows, him staring at me hesitantly.

"I guess…" He trails off, slowly standing and walking out of my room, turning off the lights, then closing the door behind him.

I close my eyes, not wanting to think about later, and soon, I fall asleep.

Thud!

I wake up with a jolt, looking around my dark room in a hurry, my heart beating fast with panic.

Thud!

The noise sounds again, and I'm almost sure it's coming from outside.

Thud!

I get up, positive it's something hitting the wall outside. While I make my way to the window, several more thuds sound throughout my room, making me jump every time. When I get to the window, I nervously pull the curtains aside, then hesitantly push the window up, the cool night breeze hits me hard.

I look down, and standing in my grass with pebbles held in his arms, is Tobias.

"What the hell? What are you doing Tobias?" I whisper yell, confused by his random appearance.

"I need help." Is all he says, dropping the rocks to the ground and not glancing away from my eyes.

I know that his dad probably beat him pretty hard, and I had told him earlier to come over if it was too much. It must have been horrible tonight if he is admitting he needs help so I yell down, "Go to the front door."

I quickly shut the window, closing the curtains, then almost sprinting down the stairs as quietly as I can not to wake anyone up. Once I get to the front door, I yank it open, stepping aside for Tobias to walk in.

He looks slightly shaken up, the back of his black shirt sticking to his skin, most likely drenched in blood. I gently place my small hand on his large bicep, directing him upstairs and into my room. I close the door behind us and tell him the sit on my chair, and he does as told.

"What happened?" I ask, curious about how bad it was.

"Marcus happened. He wasn't to happy about me getting home so late, and then when I asked him if I could stay here with you, he was even more mad. C-can...nevermind." he says, making me scrunch my eyebrows up in confusion.

"You know you can ask me anything." I state, looking at him pleadingly.

"Can you maybe clean my back for me?" he asks, refusing to even glance into my eyes.

"Of course I can Tobias." I say getting a blanket and pillow off my bed, spreading them down on the floor. "Here, come lay down. I have the medicine to use for my cuts, but I can put on you instead."

"Tris, those are for you. You can just get the blood off and rewrap it." He says, gently sitting up then lying down on his stomach.

"I have two tubes anyway, so it's okay." I say walking to my bathroom and getting a washcloth thats wet, some wrap that my doctor gave me, and the cream he also gave me. I walk back into the room and Tobias lays with his head towards my bed, not moving a muscle. "Can you um...take your shirt off?"

He nods his head, sliding the soaked shirt off of himself, only to reveal his back that has been wrapped, blood still seeping through the thick cloth. Now I'm sitting next to his body, examining it as he turns his head to look at me instead of the bed.

"Can you take the wrap off? I wrapped it before I came here, but it hurt really bad." He tells me, his blue eyes staring into mine.

My hands glide across his back, lightly touching the wrap as I peel it off. Soon enough he has to sit up so that I can fully unwrap what has been strung around his torso. After about two minutes, the almost all crimson red wrap has been removed, the last piece on the front of his body.

My hands lightly touch his six pack, goosebumps raising on my arms as the unwrapped wrap reveals a nicely toned body. I can't help but stare at him, not expecting his muscles to be so defined, and so hard to look away from. He makes the first move to lye on his stomach again, his head facing me.

I waste no time in talking or staring at the large gashes that fill up the whole canvas of his back. Taking the wet washcloth I dab at the bloodied cuts, cleaning them off one by one. Every so often Tobias will flinch, my hand retracting from his back as soon as his face scrunches up in pain. It takes about fifteen minutes to clean all of them without causing him to much suffering, and now I get the tube of cream, squirting a good amount in my hand.

As soon as my hands gently touch his back rubbing the cream over his scars and muscles, a moan escaped his lips. I can't tell if the moan was because of my hands gliding across his skin or because of the pain relief, but all I know is that it was a moan of pleasure, and blood is quickly rushing to my cheeks. I steal a quick glance at his face, his eyes closed, his jaw and eyebrows more relaxed.

I keep rubbing gently, careful on the larger cuts, smearing the cream softly over his entire back. Then I take fresh wrap, unraveling it so it will be easier to slide onto his body.

"Can you sit up again so I can wrap it?" I ask looking at him as his eyes begin to open again. I watch as he nods his head slowly, sitting up, exposing his amazing core.

My eyes try to stay clear of his abs, but as I wrap the wrap around him, my fingers keep gliding over them, making me shiver, my brain pleading me to look. And that's what I end up doing, my eyes glued to his core, his eyes on my face. When I finish, I can see a devious smirk plastered on his face, and he doesn't bother to put his shirt back on, knowing the blood is all over the back.

"Like what you see?" He asks, a large grin spreading wider as blush creeps into my cheeks.

"Just because I'm not ready for a boyfriend, doesn't mean I don't find you unattractive." I whisper, my face beginning to burn with embarrassment.

"Oh so you find me attractive?" He asks chuckling a little at me.

"Well my friends do call you, and I quote, 'H-O-T' and 'Mr. Quarterback'. Some even dare to say, 'The whole school is basically crushing on him.'" I say doing my Marlene and Christina impressions, making him laugh a deep throaty laugh. "Not to mention all the things they do to get your attention."

"Really? I never noticed because the only girl I ever noticed was you." He says staring straight at me, his blue eyes drowning me again like when we first kissed.

"Tobias it's okay. You don't have to lie to me, I understand that you've probably dated billions of girls since you've moved." I reply looking away from his face, not wanting to hear the next part about all his beautiful girlfriends.

"The only girl I've ever even remotely thought about dating, I moved away from. Biggest mistake of my life, you know why?" He asks his pointer finger moving underneath my chin, raising my head to force me to look at him.

"Why?" My voice barely squeaks out.

"Because I soon realized that she is the only girl I will ever love...and if she doesn't love me, then I simply won't be loved." He whispers, his face getting closer to mine, his blue eyes mesmerizing.

My mind doesn't have time to stop myself before my hands are on the sides of his face, and we are both leaning in. Our lips are centimeters apart, and my heart is racing a million miles per second. Just like our first kiss he lightly touches our lips together, pulling back just slightly before reconnecting our lips again. His hands move to the small of my back pulling me into him tighter, my body arching into him.

We are both still sitting, but soon I end up on my knees, him on his too, our kiss becoming more passionate by the second. I can feel the tip of his tongue lightly trace my bottom lip, asking for entrance. Soon enough I allow, opening my mouth enough for his tongue to dart into, and I can feel his tongue massage mine lightly. Another shiver runs through me, my bones turning to flames then to liquid, melting away.

Not long after, he pulls back from the kiss, both of us breathing exceptionally hard. Him licking his lips then biting his full lower, his hand sliding down to my hips. He stares into my eyes then down to my lips, then back up to my eyes. Tobias leans his forehead against mine, closing his eyes tightly before letting go of me a together.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, deja vu smacking me right in the face.

"Why do you always seem to apologize after kissing me." I breath out staring at him and he stares back. I watch him closely and all he does is raise his shoulders then drop them, shrugging.

"I love you Tris." He says looking at me intently, waiting for the anticipated words to come out of my mouth.

And they do, "I love you too, Tobias."

**Thank you for reading so far, I hope you like the kiss. btw: I've never kissed anyone so I wouldn't know how to write it, so If you guys want to review some tips for kissing scenes it would be greatly accepted. Unless my kissing scenes are okay, just let me know. Please review!**

**~divergent24-7**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

TRIS POV:

Tobias's eyes light up, a way I've only ever seen once or twice. He looks at me almost as if I'm the only thing in the world, the only thing that can keep him alive. I have to focus on how much I'm helping him by saying these words, not by how much my stomach boils in nervousness.

"We should probably go to bed." I say, still staring into his blue eyes.

"Can I have another blanket?" He asks looking down at the pillow and blanket already on the floor.

"Tobias, there is no way in hell that I am going to let you sleep on the floor." I say standing up, picking the pillow and blanket off the floor, and throwing them back on my bed. "You are going to sleep on my bed."

"But that's where you're going to sleep." He says glancing back and forth between the bed and me.

"And your point is?" I ask raising my eyebrows. "It's just like our old sleepovers now isn't it?"

I can see a large grin grow wide on his face as he jumps over to my bed, slipping underneath the covers. I follow behind him, sliding into the covers as well, and I face away from him, my queen size bed big enough for both of us to have our own side. He faces the wall that my bed is pushed up against, his shirtless wrapped back facing my back as we both attempt to fall asleep.

"Goodnight Tris." He whispers, his voice bouncing off the wall he's facing.

"Goodnight Tobias." I mumble back, sleep already taking me away with it as I think about Tobias and I's kiss.

The first thing I feel when I wake up the next morning is Tobias's strong arm wrapped around my waist, hugging me into his rough abs. I can feel his hot breath breathing down my neck, causing shivers to go down my spine. He has totally abandoned his side of the bed, coming to hold me in mine.

"Tobias?" I whisper, his breaths still ones of sleep, deep and in rhythm. "Tobias, wake up."

"Mmmhhh." He hums, definetly not fully awake yet.

"Tobias, it's Tris," no answer. "Wake up for me?" Again no answer. "I will kiss you if you wake up right now."

"Alright then kiss me." He says, his eyes shooting open to be met with mine. I'm having to turn my head almost all the way around just to see him.

I gently place my lips to his cheek, and I can hear him sigh into it. "What are you doing on this side of the bed Tobias? When I fell asleep you were basically hugging the wall, not me."

"I...don't really know." He mumbles, his arms letting go of me as his eyebrow scrunch up in confusion.

"Okay well you should probably go take a shower so I can rewrap your back in new bandages." I say sliding out from underneath the covers, standing up.

"Alright. Can you get me a towel?" He asks looking at me.

"Yeah I will get it in a second, it's somewhere in the hall, just start the shower and I will drop it inside the door, promise no looking." He sighs at me when I say this, and I smile a little.

He doesn't say another word as he goes into the bathroom, and I wait a minute until I start to hear the shower running. Just as I put my hand on the door knob a loud voice comes from outside.

"I'm coming in, I can hear the shower running!"

It's Caleb.

I can't think of anything else to do but to run into the bathroom closing the door behind me. I can hear his footsteps leading to the bathroom door, and my heart starts beating really fast, because Tobias is not supposed to be at my house, let alone taking a shower in my room.

"I'm packing for the trip and I need something in your bathroom." He yells from outside the door.

"Caleb, I'm taking a shower! There is nothing in here you need!" I scream, trying to make him go away.

"Beatrice, it's not like I can see you through the shower curtain, and all I need is one of your extra toothbrushes." He yells and I slap myself. That's seriously all he needs? One of my extra toothbrushes, one of the only things my mom didn't take away from me. "I'm coming in!"

"No Caleb!" but I watch in horror as he begins to turn the knob, and know that my brother would be mortified that I'm in the bathroom with Tobias in the shower, so I have no other choice but to step into the shower, Tobias still occupying it.

He's facing the shower head and my face is met with his naked, scared back. I force my eyes to stay up at his back, not looking lower than his mid-section. Slowly he turns around our eyes meeting and both of our faces flush with embarrassment.

I can tell he's about to question me, but I slam my hand over his mouth, my eyes wide as I press one of my fingers to my lips, telling him to be quiet. We both listen as Caleb walks into the bathroom, opening up the cabinet, taking something out.

Before he exits the bathroom he stops to say, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," and with that the bathroom door closes behind him. I breath out a sigh of relief, releasing my hand from Tobias's mouth. I don't say a word as I step out of the shower, my hair now wet and my clothes dripping in certain spots.

My mind is spiraling out of control at what I just did, I just walked into the shower that my crushes naked body was in. I didn't look down so I didn't see anything, but the thought that he was exposed and one glance down would mean that I've seen all of him, and that is not something I want to see so young.

I don't dry off, but instead walk out of the bathroom, into the now empty hall and grab a towel. I then go back into my room, dropping it off inside the bathroom, then closing the door again. Setting up the pillow and blanket on the ground makes me think about how awkward it will be when he finally comes out.

I end up sitting on the ground with my head in my hands, no other thought in my mind but the one on how bad I screwed up the thing we had going on. He's probably going to come out here and yell at me then leave me...again.

My thoughts are cut off by the door to the bathroom squeaking open, Tobias stepping out in the same pair of shorts he wore yesterday. He has no shirt on, and he's using the towel I gave him to dry his wet, dark brown hair. I begin to feel a knot in my stomach, one of guilt and nervousness, the feeling making me want to throw up.

We don't say a word as he comes and sits down next to me, positioning himself to lay down on his stomach. I find no words to come from my dry throat, even though I know an apology is necessary.

Instead of talking about it, I take the cream and smear a large quantity on his back rubbing it into the deep gashes. Not expecting words to come out of me, I'm suprised when I say, "I'm sorry."

He sighs, and I can sense him staring at my face. I know that he's probably upset with me, and that he will probably leave soon after I finish with his back.

"I'm sorry, Tobias. I didn't think I had another choice, but I should have never intruded on you like that...and just so you know...I didn't see anything." I state, blood rushing into my face, going all the way up to my hairline.

He looks as if he is mulling over what I just said, thinking if he believes me. Then he says, "It's okay Tris. I believe you, and I know that you wouldn't have done that if you didn't have a good reason. It's honestly not a big deal, I promise."

I give a big huff of relief and then motion for him to sit up. He does as said and I rewrap his back up my mind convincing itself that he was telling the truth, that he was okay with what I did.

"I need to go back home and get my stuff for next week, and then I need to go to school. I'm already late but might as well go for as long as I can." He mumbles after I finish.

"My parents are already gone for work so you just have to slip past my brother. I can help you if you-"

"I don't need your help." He interrupts, his voice harsh and he doesn't waste anytime to walk out my bedroom door.

This reminds me of the fights we used to have when we were little, but most of them were about stupid things, we would accept the apology but then act mad at one another. Something about this fight makes me feel uneasy, and my stomach churns as I think about how it was all my fault that he may not love me anymore.

I decide against doing anything but sit on the couch in my living room for the rest of the day, thinking about how just a few hours ago Tobias prayed for me to be his girlfriend...but now I'm not so sure.

It's around 7:40 that I hear a knock on the door, knowing it has to be Tobias as my brother left a few hours ago. I walk to the front door opening it slowly to find Tobias holding take out from a really good chinese place across from our school and a bouquet of roses in the other hand. His eyes meet mine and they almost plead with me for something I don't understand. He smiles a small smile looking down at me. I'm dressed in a plain grey sweatshirt from Pink, with leggings and my blonde hair thrown up in a messy bun.

"Hello." He says coming inside my house, walking over to my coffee table by the couch I occupied all day.

"Hi." I mumble sitting down on the couch that he is standing in front of with roses in his hands.

"I got these for you." He mentions pushing the flowers out and handing them to me. I smile a little, the roses bringing of a beautiful aroma. "Tris, I'm sorry for being such a jerk. I know that this morning was not planned and I know that you didn't look down like I know many girls would have, and I appreciate that. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did after you helped me with my back and everything."

"It's fine Tobias. I should be the one apologizing...for everything really. I know how bad you wanted me to be your girlfriend and I said no but then I kiss you, then I intrude your shower." I say quieter not really knowing what else to say.

"How about we forget this morning happened and we can just move on okay?" He asks sitting down next to me on the couch while I take another inhale of the wonderful smell of roses.

"Okay." I say as I stand up going into the kitchen to fill a vase with water, placing the beauties into it. When I get back to the living room he has placed out all of the food onto the table, multiple boxes of chinese food labeled with some of my favorites.

"How much have you eaten today?" He asks as I sit back down.

Shot! That's what I forgot to do today, I was supposed to begin eating more.

"Umm…," I say at a loss for words knowing that he will be upset with me for not doing what I was supposed to.

"Tell me you at least ate even the tiniest of things today?" He begs, and all I can do is stare into his deep blue eyes. He sighs when I don't respond knowing the answer himself.

"I'm sorry, I kind of forgot." I whisper, guilt clawing up at my insides.

Surprisingly he wraps his arms around me, embracing me in a hug and he mutters in my ear, "Please try to remember next time. I love you Tris, and I don't want to see you hurt, even if it's just because you are hungry."

"Okay." I say back as he pulls away, then reaches forward handing me a plate of food he got.

"I want to see you eat all of that, then we can do something fun." He tells me, picking up his own plate.

"I don't know if I can eat all of it…" I trial off turning the the plate around in my hands, examining the big pile of food.

"Please Tris. For me?" He pleads and I sigh as if in pain.

"Fine." I mumble taking a fork and shoving it into my chow mein. I slowly bring the fork to my mouth, eating all the contents on it. After a few bites I begin to eat slower, my small stomach filling up quickly.

"You know your mom wants me to bring you to the mental specialist." He mentions as he digs into his own chicken and rice.

"Please don't make me go. I really can't. If I do go I will lie to him the whole time, because you may be able to force me to get there, but you can't force answers." I rush out, my eyes searching his for the look of acceptance.

"Tris...he can help you." He says putting his plate down to focus his full attention on me.

"An-and so can you." I say, my arm reaching out and grabbing his bicep.

"What?"

"You can help me. If you don't make me go, I will let you 'interrogate' me like he would." I beg, putting air quotes around the word interrogate.

"But I don't have the education like he does Tris...a-and I'm not sure I can handle hearing everything." He stutters, his voice shaky as he thinks hard about his decision.

"Please? I love you."

I watch him roll his eyes as a smile spreads across his beautiful face, "You can't play the 'I love you' card, that's not fair."

"It is if you love me back." I mumble leaning my face closer to his, our food forgotten.

"I love you too Tris. I just want you to be better." His concern clear on his face, and I lean even closer when he brings one of his large hands to the side of my head.

"I can get better without him. If you make me go, I will never be your girlfriend." I say, laying all my cards on the table, and I watch with a smirk as fear flashes through his eyes.

Then I watch in horror as a devious grin spreads across his features, "I'll make a deal with you. If I don't make you go, you'll have to be my girlfriend."

I close my eyes as I think this through thoroughly. He knows how badly I don't want to go to the therapist, spilling my darkest secrets to a complete stranger. If I say yes to being his girlfriend, I will have to be by his side, and I will have to put all my trust into him, because to support a healthy relationship, we have to have trust. That is something Tobias might be lacking, my trust. He left me when I needed him, and when I tried to call he didn't answer. His mistakes are what brought me into the depressed state I'm in, and no matter how much I try to think otherwise, him moving was the start.

Then again, when I'm with him, all I want to do is call him mine, to hug and kiss him, to touch his strong core. I know that friends don't do those things, but am I really ready for a relationship. I do love him, and I'm almost positive I will never love anyone else, but he will most likely break my heart. He's a jock, hot and athletic, where as I'm a depressed girl, plain and anorexic.

Most girls that hit on Tobias are beautiful, curves all over them, big bra sizes and large butts, as to where I wear a 34A in a bra size. I'm lucky to find one curve on my scrawny body, just a straight plank. My dull blonde hair is never done correctly, and my grey blue eyes are just an accessory to my unattractive facial structure.

All of these thoughts coursed through my mind in a split second, him staring at me waiting patiently for my answer, and I know that I have no other choice but to speak the words, "It's a deal."

**Well I hope you like this chapter! Yay they are finally together and I get to write even more Fourtris! Tell me what you'd like to see more of. Did you like stuff like the shower scene, or more of stuff like the diner and them getting together at the end. Or maybe you want me to add another aspect of conflict. Please tell me, I really want to know what type of story you guys are looking forward to, and if you like the way I just do things, then please just review telling me that what I'm doing is fine. Thank you so much for reading so far! Please ****review!**

**~divergent24-7**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

TRIS POV:

We end up falling asleep early that night, both of us on my bed again, this time starting out with his arms around me. I don't wake up till late, and the only reason I know that is because when I open my eyes, I'm meet with Tobias's deep blue irises. I know for a fact that Tobias doesn't wake up till it's late, because he is definitely not a morning person.

"Good morning beautiful." He says, smiling at me, showing his teeth.

I breath out my nose in a huff, rolling my eyes in the process. I know I'm not ugly, but I'm no where near pretty, let alone beautiful.

"I'm serious Tris. Don't think I don't know the way you look at yourself, I can tell you don't think so, but I _know _you are beautiful." His smile drops a little as he tells me this.

I know that if I tried to fight him on it, we would end up in a full on argument, so instead I say, "I love you, Tobias."

"I love you too, Tris." He whispers, his face getting closer to mine and it isn't long before his lips meet mine, our faces smashing together. I can't help but think about how perfect our lips fit together, like two puzzle pieces in a seven billion piece puzzle.

Soon enough I can feel his mouth open slightly, his tongue tracing my bottom lip, as just one of his hands touches my hip, his other hand incapable because that side of my body is lying on the bed. Just as always the beat of my heart kicks up, and I refuse to open my mouth, not risking going this far while lying in my bed.

After a while, he pulls back, taking notice in my lack of enthusiasm towards our kiss. His breath is hot on my face as he leans his forehead against mine.

"What's wrong?"

I sigh, "I know we have known each other since our births, basically, but you moved away from me. You've changed since then and I want to get to know the new you, and with that said...I think we should take our relationship slowly. We've already said I love you to each other, but do we really know what love is? Let's get to know the new us before we commit like that, alright?"

"Alright." He huff opening his eyes but refusing to meet mine. His face goes hard and I know he is trying to hide his real emotions, but I wouldn't be able to miss the tint of pain in his eyes and I know that I've hurt his feelings.

"Tobias," I say and he still doesn't look at me. "Please look at me. Let's go at this one day at a time, and when I know I love you and you know you love me, _we_ will know, and you will tell me as I will tell you. I'm not saying that we should break up, I just think we should go slow. To be honest, after I tell you all that I did and all that happened while you were absent from my life, I'm not even sure if you will still like me afterwards."

Finally his deep blue eyes look into mine, them sturn as his hand comes to my face, holding it tight, "Tris, no matter what happened or will happen, I will still think you are the most beautiful thing in the world, and I will always lov-I mean like you."

I lean my face into his hand, letting a deep breath come flowing out of me. He eventually pulls his hand away, getting up from the bed, and walking out of the room without another word. I take this as my chance to get ready, so I take a quick warm shower, brush my teeth, then throw on grey sweatpants and a black sweatshirt. Not really caring, I toss my straight blonde locks into a messy bun, leaving a few pieces down framing my face.

As I walk down the steps, the aroma of the eggs, Tobias most likely made me, fills the air, my mouth watering at the sudden pleasant scent. I make my way to the kitchen to find Tobias sitting at the table, yellow scrambled eggs sitting in front of him with a few pieces of bacon lying on the edge of the plate.

"You made breakfast?" I question, sliding into the seat on the other side of the small table.

"Yes, and this plate," he picks up the second plate filled with cheesy eggs and crispy bacon, placing it in front of me, "is for you. I intend on you finishing all of that."

"Tobias I can't magically be empty enough to eat for two." I state picking up my fork and stabbing it into the scrambled eggs.

"Two eggs and one piece of bacon is _less_ than an average girl your age eats. That is definitely not to much." He says looking at me with serious eyes.

"I promise to eat as much as I can, but I can't promise to eat it all without throwing it back up." I say staring back at him.

He nods his head, accepting what I said and we eat in almost complete silence, a few conversations popping up here and there. I eat a little more than half before I stop and tell him I can't eat anymore, Tobias taking my plate to the sink once he finishes with his.

"So if you want we can sit in your living room and rest a bit, I know you were tired last night even though you got a lot of sleep." He offers walking to my leather couch in front of our large tv. Tobias turns it on getting soaked up into the show that's on, and I decide to go get my phone from the kitchen.

"I'll be right back, just going to get my phone." I tell him getting up and heading to the kitchen.

It takes me a few minutes to find my phone, that my mother must have hidden away in a drawer. I look through the notifications, finding most of them from my new friends at school, Christina, Uriah, Will, and Marlene. I read them all and they all start out the same way, 'where are you?' or 'how come you're not at school?' Then they all end with, 'Four told us what happened.' and 'we love you!' as encouragements to...I have no idea what.

As I begin to walk out to the kitchen I turn my cell phone off, deciding to go on instagram later, not wanting to see all the, 'we heard what happened' and stuff. I take a seat next to Tobias, my body snug against his, and he smiles at me. I grin back up at him, my mind forgetting about everything as I stare at his amazing smile.

"I think we should do the 'interrogation' tomorrow, I want to enjoy today with you." He says, his rough hand caressing my cheek. "Just because we are taking it slow...does that mean I don't get to kiss you?"

I laugh a little as he leans closer, his body and mind clearly wanting nothing but to kiss me. I decide that I should tease him, "No you may not kiss me. That is something you've got to earn."

I raise my eyebrows, challenging him as his face continues to get closer. "When have I ever been a rule follower?"

With that he closes the distance between us, but a millisecond before his lips attach mine, I spin my head to the side, his soft lips meeting my cheek.

"I told you, you have to earn a kiss." I whisper in a seductive voice, laughing as his face clearly resembles one of a very upset person.

"That was very mean of you Tris. I may just have to get revenge some time."

"Go ahead and try." I challenge, laughing as a smirk appears across both of our faces.

We continue to converse until he begins to get hungry around five, and I know that because of our odd time of awakening, that we will be skipping lunch, which is absolutely fine with me. He decides to get pizza, walking out of the room and into the kitchen to talk on the phone with the pizza lady. Only two minutes later until Tobias comes back out, phone in hand, a smile on his face.

"You will eat all of this okay?" He says looking at me in a way that makes me self-conscious, his eyes roaming my body. He walks over to me, picking me up off the couch and putting his hands on my waist, measuring how big I am. "You are so skinny Tris."

"No I'm not Tobias…" I say, my own hands cupping his, "my body is not skinny. Other people don't think so and I don't either."

"Tris, you are skinny. Just so you know, earlier I looked up how much a 5'4 female, like you, should weigh. I want you to tell me your weight then I will tell you the healthy weight." He tells me, keeping his hands where they are.

"I weigh 92 pounds." I mumble, looking down, not wanting him to know how fat I am.

"Oh my god, Tris, the healthy weight is 108-132 pounds. I plan on getting you there, right at 108." He states his thumbs beginning to rub circles on my waists.

"That website was wrong." Then I do something I never intended on doing in front of Tobias. I walk up to a mirror a little ways away, pulling the hem of my sweat shirt up just enough see all of my stomach and ribs. I go sideways in the mirror, looking at the profile of my body, at how ugly the way my body has no curves.

"Tris…" Tobias walks up behind me, his hand hovering over my ribs. "May I?"

I laugh a little at the question, and nod my head allowing him to touch the skin of my ribs. His hand glides down my sides, making shivers run up my spine, his hand leaving a trail of fire.

"I can feel almost all your ribs." He mutters so quiet I almost miss it.

I look down, not wanting to show my emotions at his statement. The way he said it almost made me think he thought I was too skinny, but to me I'm too fat.

Just then the pizza guy arrives dropping off the cheese pizza Tobias pays for, then brings it back into the living room. He quickly begins to shove it down, but the way Tobias looked at me just a few seconds ago is stitched into my brain. He thinks I'm to skinny…

I take my first bite of the pizza forcing it down, the whole piece gone in about five minutes, and I pick up another, forcing it into my mouth. After about another ten minutes, I've finished three thick pieces of pizza, and I can start to feel it come back up. I shove it back down, picking up another piece, looking at it like it's the enemy.

Eventually I'm unable to stuff another slice down after the fourth, so I sit back while Tobias eats his at a slow pace. I pick up my phone going on instagram, preparing myself for the stupid apologizes, but instead pops up my old best friends name.

**A/N: I'm not sure who can all read this but it has intense language below, and some touchy subject stuff.**

In the caption below a selfie of her amazing beautiful self, it reads;

Did you hear about Tris? The slut who moved away because she ran out of people to fuck. Well if you didn't you should know, she tried to kill herself. Probably did it to get the attention like the attention sucking whore she is. I mean, have you seen her recently, she must have put on some weight because that girl is fucking fat, but she still decides to flaunt her body around. What a bitch. And if priortris is reading this, know that we all hope you attempt again, and maybe this time actually succeed.

After I finish, I can feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes, and I'm having a hard time keeping my breathing steady. Tobias looks up, switching his attention from his pizza to me. I can feel the food gurgling in my stomach, my body disapproving of all the food taken in at once now. My face must have morphed into one of pain because Tobias eyes change into one of concern.

"I'm going to go use the restroom." I tell him, looking around the room, not meeting his eyes as I know that what I want to do is not what the doctor called for.

"...Okay, I will be right outside the door." Tobias says, following me as I walk into the bathroom, shutting the door in his face. I walk straight over to the toilet, kneeling down next to it.

I've never considered myself bulimic, because I never thought about voluntarily throwing up, but the food in my stomach makes me feel queasy, and guilt for eating it fills me. I know I shouldn't have done that, and after reading what _she _said I know I was right.

I gag a little at first, then finally I throw up, most of the pizza in my stomach coming back out my mouth in a rush. I know Tobias can hear me throwing up from outside the door and as soon as I up chuck again, he begins to knock, frantically yelling my name. After the third time of throwing up I'm sure it's all out of my stomach, and I know that I'm absolutely empty, the way I like to be.

I walk over to the mirror, washing my mouth out after washing my hands, and now I can't stop the tears that silently drip down my face. As I stare into the mirror at my hideous reflection, I listen to Tobias's words coming from outside the door.

He cries, "Tris please stop, please. I love you, and I don't care that you say we have to get to know each other. I love you and I don't want to lose you. Please come out here. I need you, please."

I don't stop the steady flow of tears as I open the door to be meet with Tobias's strong chest, and as I look up at his face I notice how he has a few stray tear falling down his own cheeks. As soon as he see's me, I'm pulled into him, his arms holding me tight against him, not letting me move.

"I'm sorry, I had to do it." I say my voice almost getting drowned in my sobs.

"Please don't ever do that again. I love you. Please." He begs, leaning his head down stuffing his face into my pulled back hair.

"Okay." I mumble, my statement muffled by his shirt, as my face is pressed deeper into his chest when he pulls me closer to him and tighter. His hands are wrapped around my back pulling me closer to him by the second. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the explanation I know I now have to give.

**Hey guys! So tomorrow is my birthday!...well I guess today...but I'm finally 14! yay! Please review if you liked this chapter! **

**~divergent24-7**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

TRIS POV:

"Okay." I mumble, my statement muffled by his shirt, as my face is pressed deeper into his chest when he pulls me closer to him and tighter. His hands are wrapped around my back pulling me closer to him by the second. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the explanation I know I now have to give.

His hand caresses my hair as the tears on my face begin to dry up, his own tears coming only at the rate of one per minute. I can feel his lips press to my forehead and he stays there, stuck in that position for a few more minutes. Eventually he removes his lips from my head and pulls my body away from his, though his hands are still wrapped around my waist.

"Tris," he speaks, putting a piece of hair in my face, brushing it behind my ear, then taking the same hand and placing it on my cheek, forcing my face to move up from the ground I was staring at, "I love you. You don't need to do that to yourself."

"Yes I do. I deserve all of it." I mutter putting my arms in front of me, my fingers fiddling with each other. I put my head down again, my eyes glued to my hands, hoping and praying he didn't hear what I just said because I'm pretty sure I can guess his reaction.

"In no way do you deserve any of that."

"You don't understand." I mumble another singular tear slipping from my eye. "No one ever understands."

"Don't say that." He says, his hand still cupping my cheek. "I think we need to do that 'interrogation' tonight."

I huff, my mind feeling as though it's not capable of relieving all my past, but instead of fighting I say, "Fine."

We both head to the living room, one of his arms tightly strung across my body, pulling me into him. The pizza box is still open and I have to look away, the image of my thrown up pizza plastered in my mind and I can feel my nose scrunch up in disgust. Tobias takes quick action to throw away the pizza, stuffing it deep into the trash can in my kitchen.

When he gets back he takes a seat in one of the singular chairs across from the couch I placed myself in. He sits forward his elbows on his knees and his hands twined together in front of him. His face is red and puffy, most likely from the crying done just a few minutes ago, and I'm almost positive there is more to come.

"I just want you to explain what happened after I left that night. Just that night." He questions, his blue eyes staring into mine. Instant memories flood back into my brain like a tidal wave, but instead of keeping them to myself I speak them out loud.

_Flashback:_

"_I love you too, Tobias." I cry, soaking his shirt with my salty tears. He gently connects his soft lips to my forehead, and I close my teary eyes._

_He doesn't say another word as he walks out of my backyard, glancing at me over his shoulder. I stand there tears running down my face, my chest squeezing in pain as I watch his silhouette exit my yard for the last time. _

_I know that the more I think the more it hurts, but how can I not think of him? How could, just like that, I forget about my bestfriend, the one I just told I loved. I end up hugging myself the pain too much to bare and I haven't a clue of how loud my cries are, all I know is that after a few minutes, I end up on the ground, my fingers digging into the cold, wet grass. _

_I can't move the wave of his absence bringing me into a vulnerable state, one I know I will not be able to return from easily. My mind is fully aware of how long I will not see him for, how I may never see him again, and my bodies reaction is unpredictable. _

_I'm not aware of what time it is when I'm finally able to get up from the cold hard ground, but off in the distance I can see the sun beginning to rise, and I know I have lyed here for hours. I slowly move so that my knees are down and so are my forearms, my hands still entangled in the green grass. _

_My body is unable to move from here, the emotion coming on to me like a thick honey, sticking me to the ground. The only sound that rises me is the sound of my sliding glass door being opened, the sound of footsteps coming over to my, now moving, body. _

"_Tris," my mothers voice is frantic, her hands helping me off the ground, "what are you doing out here on the ground?" _

_I don't speak a word, all I do is turn around to face her and I'm sure I look like crap, my face red and puffy, my eyes bloodshot from all the crying._

"_Oh my god, what happened sweetie?" She whispers as I'm pulled into a gentle hug. _

_The hug reminds me of Tobias and the way he held me just a few hours ago, and how it's going to be the last time forever. I can stop the new steady flow of tears that leak from my almost tearless eyes. My mom rubs my back, her hand going in circles while she hums in my ear. _

"_He l-left me." I sob, the tear burning as they leave my sore eyes. _

"_It will all be okay, sweetie." She mumbles into my hair. _

_I force out words, "He loved me. No one ever will again." _

_With that she helped me inside, giving me a good breakfast, and I ended up calling Tobias's number many time, his voice popping up at the end the last thing I have of that-surprisingly already-deep sexy tone._

_End of Flashback:_

Tobias has tears running down his face, his eyes are glassy him ready to pour out more tears.

"I'm so sorry Tris." He mutters.

"I think we should talk about the past tomorrow, and tonight just focus on now." I say still struggling after having to relive the scene I just described.

He visibly breaths out, calming his emotions, then stating, "Okay well, next I'm going to ask questions...about you eating I guess."

"What type of questions?" I ask hesitantly not wanting him to ask me something I don't want to say the answer to.

"Just answer them please, I'm trying to be the best therapist I can be. I look up some websites about eating disorders and found some questions that it said to ask the person with the bad eating habits." He explains pulling out his phone and looking at, what I assume to be, the website.

"I guess…"

"First off, please be honest, I really love you and I want to help you." He says looking up from the screen, his eyes pleading with mine.

"I'll try."

"Okay umm, how often do you refuse to eat?" He asks looking up at me with quizzical eyes.

Again I end up fiddling with my thumbs, answering, "Quite often, I guess..."

He takes a deep breath, the next question asking, "Have you ever denied being hungry, even when you're starving?"

I can feel the tears start to form, the thought of all his disapproval coming out at my next answer, as I did lie to the doctor and him. I don't eat when I feel like it, I don't eat because I know how fat I will look, how fat I do look. Tobias will instantly stop loving me, then I will be alone.

So I lie again, "No, I have not."

I bite hard on the inside of my lip, keeping myself from telling the truth, the one I want to say but too scared to. I can feel instant guilt bubble up in my stomach when he nods his head agreeing to my statement.

"Do you ever see yourself as fat or obese?" He asks, lowering his phone again to look at me in the eyes.

"I umm…" I trail off thinking about my answer, wondering if this is one I should lie on too, because who loves a girl who can't love herself? "No."

He sighs, mumbling something to himself I'm incapable of hearing, but instead of questioning me more on that he moves on.

"This wasn't in the question's...I just want to know." He says looking at me, locking his phone and putting it away. "Why did you just throw up? Were you honestly not feeling good...or did you do it on purpose? I need to know if you are bulimic Tris, because the way you answered the questions tells me that you are not anorexic."

"I-I, umm...I honestly don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if I'm bulimic or anorexic. I've never voluntarily thrown up after eating a lot...except for today." The last part I say quieter than ever not wanting him to know but forcing myself to say it.

"So just now I was correct. You did throw up on purpose." His eyes are concerned as he moves from his spot next to mine, pulling me into another hug. I can feel a few drops fall onto the top of my head, knowing it's Tobias's tear makes me want to cry myself.

"I'm sorry Tobias, I really am." I say beginning to cry myself. I attempt to look up at him but he's got me in an iron grip, not letting me move. "Tobias, when did you start being so emotional?"

"When you started hating yourself." He answers bluntly, breathing out of his mouth, his nose probably bad from all the crying. His hands are rubbing up and down my arms.

I yank back my arm suddenly remembering the scars from the blade I dug into my skin, and I can feel Tobias bring my arm back into his hand. He looks up into my eyes, his fingers gently brushing the marks that line my arm.

"Can you tell me about the first time you did this?" He questions, his eyes staring at me in wonder and sorrow. I nod my head a little.

**A/N: Really really touchy subject below, please don't read the flashback if you don't want the image or the thought of it and stuff. I'm so sorry if I offend anyone with this.**

_Flashback: _

_I shut my eyes softly and dream. Dream about when Tobias was around, his presence making my friends like me, making me the likeable person I no longer am. I dream about what we could have had, the life I could have had. _

_My mind spins as the image of Ivan, my old friends' hand slaps my cheek, the sting of every finger still there. I take my own hand and line it up on the same location as the ghostly claw. I can feel as the first tear rolls down my red face, more follow suit. _

_My head wonders to my friends...or the ones I used to call friends. One of them had told me this story of her close friend who she knew back when she lived in Tennessee. Her friend had always had a depressing life, one full of regret and sorrow. At the time I never thought much about it, that my friends friend had used to cut, or still did. I used to think, how could your life be so screwed up that you would want to physically harm yourself? What would you even benefit from it? But now as I think back, I realize, there are many reasons. Not all people physically harm themselves to ultimately kill themselves, some do it for freedom I guess. _

_I snap my eyes open, fluttering them around the bathroom, searching for something sharp. When they lock on a shaver in my shower, I slowly rise to my feet. _

_Is this something I really want to do? Something to get away from all the drama in my life? _

_My hands move before my mind and I'm already taking off my top, sliding it over my head, and then slowly dropping my pants. I turn the shower head on and sit in the tub with only my undergarments. I let the warm water run down my back sprinkling my shoulders with water droplets. _

_Shakily, my right hand rises to the counter holding my shaver, made for shaving my legs, but I have another use. Millions of questions flow through my mind in one second, and it seems as if I sit there for hours, staring at the little piece of plastic, holding the sharp edges in place so they can scrape off your hairs. _

_Slowly I bring it up to the spot on my arm I choose, using my left hand to do the harm. The first time I try nothing happens, no blood, nothing. I look around and wonder if I'm being giving another chance to think about what I'm going to do, because once I do it, the scar on my arm will forever hold the reminder of who I've become...but I already know the answer, and as soon as I realize this the tears stop, and the razor is on my arm trying again. _

_Adventually I get it but I only choose to do it once. The fact that I did it at all is crazy, the thought of doing it again makes my head hurt. If only Tobias could see what I've come to, he would take one look and cry, and I would too, but it seems I have no emotion left in me. _

_I quickly rinse off the blood, and stare at the mark in my skin for a long time. The cut is very small, and I'm glad that my anger didn't drive it any deeper. For now, this one time will represent the rest, this one time will change my life in ways I never imagined. I may end up doing this again, but I know my family would not approve, it's not something I should get in the habit of doing. This should not me, and definitely not what Tobias wanted me to be._

_End of Flashback:_

Tobias stares at me intently, tears still staining his cheeks, and as soon as I can see the pain behind his hard eyes, I know that I never should have told him that story. Soon enough the pain in his eyes are visible, him making no attempt to cover it at all.

"I'm so sorry Tris, this is all my fault." He whispers, his face going soft from his hard expression.

I place my hand that he was rubbing and put it on his cheek, staring into his emotional eyes.

"This was my doing. I'm sorry you have to hear all about my problems." I say in a gentle tone.

"I love you so unbelievably much." He whispers, his eyes searching mine.

I laugh a stone hard laugh, no real happy emotion in it, and say, "That's hard to believe, but I love you too."

**Did you like this chapter? Please tell me if I'm offending anyone out there reading this because I want to make sure I don't hurt anyones feelings, or offend them, I promise that is that last thing I would ever want to do. Thank you for all the amazing reviews last chapter! Do it again! Please Review!**

**~divergent24-7**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Some of you have been asking to make Tris seem like a nicer, more likable person, and some reviewers wanted me to show why Tris loves him. I hope this chapter clears some of that up, and also some in the next chapter. This chapter is mainly Fourtris fluff. :)**

Chapter 11:

TRIS POV:

The next day we decide to take a break on the 'interrogation' because it's a little too much for both of us to handle. Tobias told me he has a surprise that we have to be at by six, and currently it's only three. We are both on the couch, my head in his lap while his fingers play with my hair. The television is on but I'm not soaked up into the show like Tobias who hasn't taken his eyes off of it for almost a straight hour.

I keep my eyes on his face, my back on the couch with my head on his thighs. His left hand is caressing my hair, twirling it through his fingers while his right hand lies on my stomach. I'm staring straight up at his face, memorizing the particular shade of blue that his eyes are. Only a few minutes later do I realize that the credits are on the screen and Tobias's right hand has picked up the remote and is switching through channels.

"What would you like to watch Tris?" He asks, bending his head down to stare into my eyes.

"I don't know," I say shrugging my shoulders as much as I can in my current position, "I don't really watch TV."

"I could tell you didn't like the last show because I could feel your eyes on me the whole time." He laughs his left hand coming to my cheek, causing him to stop caressing my hair. "Why were you looking at me like that?"

"I, umm...I like your eyes." I mutter, forcing my focus to stay on him.

"I'm glad you do. I like yours too." He mumbles helping me sit up so I'm now facing him on the couch, my legs folded underneath me. "Your eyes remind me of a storm, the blue skies combining with the grey clouds. Everytime I walk into a room, it's like they demand the attention that I know you hate. They are beautiful, and I want to see them all the time."

I can feel the smile creeping onto my face as he holds my head in both of his hands, the TV shows completely forgotten. My arms reach around his neck, my hands connecting together behind him as I lean closer. I like him like this, I've never seen him so poetic.

"_Your_ eyes remind me of the ocean, a mysterious blue with the bright spots of the beautiful ocean life. Everytime I look into them, I feel like I'm drowning, they swallow me whole. They make my day, and I love the way they look at me, like I'm actually pretty. I don't just like them, I love them." I whisper, his closeness is forcing us to breath the same air, not that I'm complaining though.

"Isn't it known to be dangerous to mix the ocean with a storm?" He grins our eyes not leaving eachothers.

"_I_ think it's something in nature thats beautiful. The waves crashing, the rain dropping, and every so often the sun will peak out, lighting the ocean and making it a beautiful blue. The raging water is something I would love to see, the beauty deep inside it." I mumble as my own smile spreads across my face even wider.

"I never pictured you to be the type of girl who's poetic." He chuckles, caressing the side of my face now, our bodies less than six inches away from each other.

"And I never pictured you to be that way either," I laugh too, "but like I said, there is still a lot to learn about each other."

"I love you, Tris."

Our foreheads are now touching, "I love you too, Tobias."

He finally leans in, our lips connecting in a rush of passion, his mouth moving in synchronization with mine. His lips feel like heaven, and I just want to pause this moment and live in it forever. He smells like metal, and something else that's distinctly male, probably his cologne or deodorant.

I can feel his mouth open, and I open mine as well, just not adding my tongue. I gently nibble on his lower lip, and I hear him moan, a deep rumbling sound. I can feel his tongue slowly slide across my lips, and I let him, but I don't do anything with my tongue, just because I feel like teasing him.

He backs up, both of us are breathing heavily and he whines a little, "Please kiss me."

Tobias tries to lean in again but I back up laughing, "Did I not just kiss you?"

"You did but...I mean...a little…with passion." He stutters not wanting to say, _use tongue._

I laugh even more, caressing his cheek with my hand this time, leaning in, my face so close to his that if I moved a centimeter our lips would be touching. With a sudden burst of confidence, I take charge, smashing our lips together in a wet kiss. My mouth is the first to open, my tongue sliding across his bottom lip and he gladly opens. Our tongues dance, and I decide to be mean, just because I love him.

I slide my hands down his body, going over his core, taking my time on his abs. Once I get to the hem of his shirt, I yank it up to just underneath his pecks, my hands roaming his open skin. My hands travel down to just above his jeans, and I take a finger dipping it underneath his waistband, teasing him. I keep doing this motion until I can feel his begin to groan loud, his mouth coming off of mine, his doing.

"Just kidding…" he trails off his voice beyond shaky, "you need to stop. That feels too good."

I laugh a little, my fingers still dipping in only an inch into his pants, then coming out. When I stop, just for good measures, I thrust my hips into his hard. He instantly grabs my hips, holding me away from him, and I can't help but notice his _situation _down there.

"Please stop, please." He whispers, his eyes begging mine. "I already need to take a cold shower, so thank you for that."

"You're welcome, I love that I have that effect on you."

"I don't." He mutters, sitting in an awkward position to avoid hurting himself.

I chuckle even harder, "Why? Is it because I know your weakness now?"

He doesn't talk for a moment, probably deciding whether or not to admit I'm his weakness. Eventually he says, "Please don't tell anyone."

"You really think I want other girls trying that on you? Hell no!" I laugh as he does too.

After a few minutes of us staring at eachother, Tobias stands up, walking out of the room calling behind him that he was going to go take a cold shower before my surprise. Checking the time it's 5:08 and I know that Tobias said I was going to have to dress nice, so I decide to go upstairs and begin getting ready.

I search through my closet for something not baggy, and I'm sure by dress fancy he means a dress. There are only three dresses I have ever owned, and one is now too big on me, and the second is pink. I have to search a bit to find the third dress, the one I will wear for my surprise.

Finally I find it, still hidden away in one of the stray boxes I forgot to unpack from when I moved. The dress is black, lace lining the thick straps that go over my collarbone, it's tight fitting until about my mid-section, then it's loose flowing out to around mid-thigh. It was meant for someone with curves but knowing most dresses are, I don't care much.

I put my hair down from the messy bun I had it in, leaving it the way it is with the natural waves from the bun. Then I add some eye liner to the mascara I already had on, putting on just a tiny bit of blush, knowing I don't need concealer as I never get pimples. To do this all only takes about thirty minutes to finish with the final touches, doing all that I know about beauty.

When I walk down stairs, Tobias is sitting on the couch in the livingroom, his attention totally focused on show he is watching. He only finally notices me when I sit down on the couch next to him. He's dressed in a nice buttoned up shirt, a black tie hanging from the top, and nice blue jeans, no rips in them.

"I'm glad you choose a black dress, now we really look like a couple with my tie matching your dress." He laughs picking his tie up from his shirt. "Not to mention you look incredible in it. Damn Tris, I may have to take another cold shower just from looking at you in that dress."

I can feel the heat rise in my cheeks, bubbles of laughter filling my chest, bursting from my mouth. Apparently he likes the dress more than I thought he would.

"Thank you. I'm going to have to wear a jacket the whole time though because of my umm, scars." I mumble, the red in my cheeks getting darker.

"That's alright, Tris. That gives you less of a chance of seeing me beat the crap out of a guy who's staring at you." He says, standing from the couch, helping me up.

"Like any guy other than you would look at me." I mutter, my eyes traveling to the floor.

"You don't see what others see, Tris. You are beautiful and I hate how many guys look at you because I want you to be all mine." He tells me grabbing me by the hips pulling me close to him.

"Says the quarterback of the football team. The people I hang out with call you 'H-O-T', and she's the one with a boyfriend already." I say, both of us staring into each others eyes now.

"Now lets go to my surprise, I'm sure you're going to love it." He says smiling as he lets go of my hips, taking my arm in his, and leading me out to the car.

We both get into the car, him in the drivers seat, me comfy in the passenger. I reach over to turn on the radio but Tobias's hand stops me before I get to the dial. I pull my hand back, looking over at him.

"I think we should just talk, car rides don't always have to be drowned out in music." He tells me starting the car.

I start with, "Why do you have a camaro? I know your dad would never buy you this."

"It's a token of what I can do. I earned this myself, nobody bought me it." He tells me, rubbing the dashboard like it's the best thing in the world.

"And you seem to like it better than anything in this world." I laugh giving him a look of playfulness.

"Except for you, I like you even more than I like this car." He says, not looking over at me, his eyes glued to the road.

"That's impossible, you've talked about getting exactly a dull black camaro since we were ten, this is that exact car." I say, chuckling at the memory of the little ten year old boy, that was my friend, who would not stop talking about this car he rode in. "You can't possibly love anything more than you love this."

"Oh it is quite possible. Tris, I've known you since I was old enough to walk. You are much better than a car, or anything else. If I had the choice between a model wife with a huge house, and a ton of my dream cars, or you, I would choose you in a heartbeat." He says, stealing a quick glance at me, then back on the road.

If only I had had him for those year that he was absent, I would love to know what would have happened. Would we have gotten together, or stayed just friends, either way, I wish I knew. All I know now is that I love him. I may not be _in _love with him just yet, but I sure do love him.

When I do fall _in_ love with him, I will tell him right away, because for me, I would want to know. If he falls _in _love with me and I'm not in love with him he will just have to wait, but I can feel it, I know I'm falling and as soon as I hit the bottom I will be _in _love. I just hope he knows that there are two different types of love.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asks glancing at me, breaking the complete silence.

"I was just thinking about how much I love you." I smile at him wondering whether it would be smart to ask him about the _in _love thing.

"By the way you say it, I have a feeling that that's not all." He tells me while he turns onto a dirt road.

"It's not but I would like to talk about that later," I pause looking out the window at the dirt, grass and trees, "why are we in some type of forest?"

"Well, as I remember, this is a surprise. You're not meant to know." He tells me, glancing at me in a mysterious way.

I huff, "I thought you knew I hated surprises."

"Oh I do." He chuckles pulling up to a dead end, the trees blocking my view from what I'm guessing to be his surprise.

He hops out of the car, scurrying over to my side to open the door for me like a true gentleman. I get out of the car, taking a deep breath in of the natural forest smell. Tobias smiles at me before popping the trunk and plucking a basket out of it. Then it all hits me. He's taking me on a picnic.

After I stare doubtfully at him for a minute of two, he takes my hand in his, his fingers lacing through mine, keeping them down at our sides.

"So why did you tell me you were happy that I was wearing a jacket, because we are seeing no one today." I say as he leads us onto a dusty and rocky path.

"I didn't want you getting cold out here, and so that my surprise stayed just that, a surprise." He tells me, walking faster almost as if he were overjoyed about getting where ever we were headed.

Eventually we reach a spot that seems to lead to an opening in the forest, and from here I can already see the gleaming of the lights, but I had not expected what I saw when I walked into the clearing with him.

**I hope you liked this chapter, and the next chapter will be about their date and being ****_in _****love. Please review if this cleared some of it up for you, I hope it did. Did you like the fluff, do you want it more fluffier or less and more drama. I really like your guys input, it helps be become a better writer. Love you all! Please review!**

**~divergent24-7**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

TOBIAS POV:

The strung bulb lights hang in drapes from the trees, each light illuminating the mystical, dark night sky leaving the clearing a sanctuary of brightness. Underneath the hanging lights, a plain wooden picnic table lies, a neatly woven basket sitting on top, a maroon colored blanket peaking out from the opening in the basket. I take my time stalking over to the basket, Tris hot on my heels. She takes her seat while I open the lip, pearing into it at the blanket and vanilla flavored candle hidden inside. I take the candle out, placing it on the seat across from the side Tris plopped herself down on.

It doesn't take long before I've laid the blanket on the wooden table, placing the candle on top on the overlay. As I light the sweet smelling candle, the fire adds to the lights above head, though it gives off a different texture to the mood in the air. I glance at Tris, her beautiful blue orbs glued to the flickering flame.

As I set out an array of food, I gain the courage to ask her the one question that's been boggling my mind of a while now. "What were you talking about in the car? You said you loved me, but I could tell there was something else behind that."

Her eyes flick up from the flame, staring into mine as I finally sit down, they seem to be a little distant, as if something was pulling her into a different land. Then she finally speaks, "I love you, Tobias, . . . I just don't know if I'm _in _love with you."

The words hang in the air after she breaths them out, my eyes leaving her's, not able to keep the connection. _What does she mean not _in _love with me?_ I've never really experienced falling in love first hand, but I've seen Zeke fall in love with Shauna, and vice versa. The thought that I may not be in love with Tris scares me, because if she doesn't love me, then I have never been loved.

My mother had loved me, just not to the extent a parent should. Mother's should nurture their child, help them become who they are, not leave them with their abusive father. Though she died in a hit and run, I can still remember the facts her doctor told me. _It was her time, and I think she knew it._ If she had known it, shouldn't she have fought? Fought for me? For my father? Or maybe for my infant brother or sister that was just growing in her stomach?

Love is something that is difficult for me to trust, and though she doesn't - and will never - know, her words sting like a blade. It takes everything in me not to question, out loud, her love towards me. I take a deep breath, my lungs filling with the frosty air, gently breathing out, closing my eyes for the time being.

When I open my eyes again, the sight of her petite body, her back curving slightly as she hunches in her seat, makes me forget about my trust issues, reminding me of her own. She told me once of all the trust factors that were crushed when I left, and when her _friends_ backstabbed her. I sit still for a good two minute before responding, my voice calm and collected.

"What do you mean?"

She doesn't take long to reply, her body shifting around in the chair, eyeing the food. "I love you to me, means that I would do anything for you, I care about you, and so forth. When I'm _in_ love with you, you are more than the world to me, I understand you better than anyone, and you the same as me. I think I need to learn to love myself before I can be _in_ love with you."

"I can help you learn to love yourself, I just need to know the whole story. I know you are withholding some important information from me, Tris. I want you to trust me, trust me with all your heart . . . but I feel like that may be too much to ask."

She sighs, air barely escaping her lips, "I don't um . . . there are certain things I wish to keep to myself, and I know you wish to help, it's just hard to admit the wrongs I've done in the past. Sometimes while I sit in the car, I stare at the other trucks passing by and wonder how we have to have trust in them that they won't swerve into us, taking what humans treasure most, life. I watch how life evolves around us, people making their own decisions, but others not realizing it can affect them.

"We trust people walking by us, believing they won't pull a gun out, killing us in cold blood. But the difference is that, yes we do trust them, but we have no choice. I trust you, yes, but I don't know the difference between real trust, and the one I'm forced to have."

I sit there, frozen by her words. They seemed to come out shakily, hesitant if it was the right thing to say, but as she advanced further into her lecture, I did notice the truth behind her words. You are forced to trust the people walking on the streets, and the people driving in the lane next to yours. I know that's all true, though I wish she would trust me.

I know I should change the topic as, this was supposed to be a beautiful night out, so I say, "Just know I'm always here for you. When you're ready, I will listen."

She simply nods her head in acceptance, picking up a bottle of water that is placed next to the breads and meats. I take the turkey and ham, making my own sandwich, then looking at Tris, waiting for her to grab her own. Tris doesn't move, her fingers tracing the small ridges in the water bottle while she glares at it.

"Did you date anyone when I was still gone?" The sudden question burst from her lips, her eyes focusing back on me while I take my first bite of the sandwich. Her face morphs into one that appears disappointed, saddened my something unknown. "I'm sorry . . . I didn't mean to ask that, like that."

I place my food back onto the small plastic plate, ignoring my growling stomach. "You have nothing to be sorry for, and no I didn't date anyone."

She look of shock flashes across her face, but vanishes as soon as it came. I don't comment on it, leaving it alone, but I reach over grabbing the ham from the table. I begin to place them in nicely folded pieces on a slice of white bread, spreading a good amount of mayo on it. Pushing the plate in front of Tris earns me an odd look.

"How did you-"

"You always take it that way, even when we were kids . . . like you said about learning the new stuff, we still need to remember old." I flash a smile, watching in pride as she takes her first bite of food since breakfast. I'm glad she's been listening to me about eating more, though I'm definitely not gullible enough to believe it's all finished.

Sometimes I wish and pray for all her pain to be retracted, for she deserves none of it. She's done no real wrong in her life, just the decisions she's made for the memories of the horrid past. I don't believe her to be healed overnight, but I do believe her to be healed in time. I know that is one of the only things she needs and desires, time.

After a while, she finishes with half of her sandwich, the other half, she places on the plate scooting it away from her, symbolizing she is done. I finished mine about three minutes ago, and have just been watching her, in a loving way of course.

"So what do we do now?" She asks looking at me with a half smirk. I don't hold back as I stand, takin my phone and turning on the song Skinny Love by Birdy, one I've heard her listen to countless times over the course of two days.

"We dance." I whisper as I grab her, pulling her close to my body, moving away from the table, slowly swaying to the beautiful lyrics. They remind me of Tris.

_Come on skinny love just last the year,_

_Pour a little salt we were never here,_

_My my my, my my my, my-my my-my..._

_Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer._

_Tell my love to wreck it all,_

_Cut out all the ropes and let me fall,_

_My my my, my my my, my-my my-my..._

_Right in the moment this order's tall._

Tris begins to hum, her arms wrapped around my neck, fingers twined together behind me. She rests her head on my chest, humming the tune softly while we both sway. My arms are at her waist, my eyes closed, focused on the feeling of her in my arms in this very moment.

_And I told you to be patient,_

_And I told you to be fine,_

_And I told you to be balanced,_

_And I told you to be kind,_

_And in the morning I'll be with you,_

_But it will be a different kind,_

_'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets,_

_And you'll be owning all the fines._

_Come on skinny love, what happened here?_

_Suckle on the hope in light brassieres,_

_My my my, my my my, my-my my-my..._

_Sullen load is full, so slow on the split._

_And I told you to be patient,_

_And I told you to be fine,_

_And I told you to be balanced,_

_And I told you to be kind,_

_And now all your love is wasted,_

_Then who the hell was I?_

_'Cause now I'm breaking at the britches,_

_And at the end of all your lines._

_Who will love you?_

_Who will fight?_

_And who will fall far behind?_

_Come on skinny love,_

_My my my, my my my, my-my my-my..._

_My my my, my my my, my-my my-my._

As the song ends, it begins to play again, my mind now to occupied by the thought of Tris, I don't register the repetition. Tris does though, her head popping off my chest, looking at my phone lying on the table.

She chuckles a little, tilting her head up to look at me, "Is this on repeat?"

"Yes it is," I laugh with her, "but we can sit down if you would like, or maybe just leave. . ." I whisper nervously as she lies her head back down on my chest. I try to breath softer, attempting to slow my heartbeat as I know she can hear it.

"I wish we could live in this moment forever." She mumbles, her eyes shut, disregarding the last thing I just said. I continue to sway to the same song, our song.

"I wish that too." I breath, staring at the sky filled with stars hard to see through the thick tree's and the dangling lights. The cool fall air hitting out bare skin, though we refuse to stop.

She looks up into my eyes once again, just as the song comes to an end for the second time. I stare back with the same passion the she does, our eyes seem to be reading each others, her's mixed with love, lust, and beauty. I can't seem to stop myself from pulling her closer, and connecting her waiting lips to my wanting ones.

Our lips move with passion, synchronized and soft, working against each other gently. The kisses we share are never sloppy, no droll or fast paced makeout sessions, they are slow and loving. I never push her to much though she seem to want to tease me as her hands slide up and down my back, then stopping at my biceps.

When we pull apart she whispers ever so softly, "I love you."

"I love you too." I mumble back, knowing it doesn't have the same meaning for me as it does her.

We spend the rest of our date cleaning up, knowing we can't leave all of these supplies behind. I was forced to admit Christina's help when Tris said she wanted to keep the lights, but I got them from Christina. Christina set this place up though I told her what to do, she knows I owe her one, which is not a good thing with her.

Once we got back in the car, I notice how cold Tris is, giving her my jacket as we both sit and wait for the heat to turn on in the car.

"Thank you so much, Tobias. No one has ever done anything like that for me." She says, rubbing her hands together to create warmth. I chuckle a little, grabbing her hand closest to me, rubbing it in between my lukewarm ones. She sighs in relief, sinking into her chair at my touch. "Thank god. How do you keep your hands so warm?"

Yet again I find myself laughing, _the things this girl does to me._ "I don't know, but it gives me a good excuse to hold your hand so I'm fine with it."

A small laugh burst from her lips, a smile spreading across her face. "You do that anyway."

"I guess I do, don't I?"

She only nods, the smile still present on her face. I start the car, driving away from our beautiful date location, going to her house where we both plan to have a good nights sleep.

**Sorry it took so long guys, I had volleyball and I'm now back in school so I had to**** do a lot of homework and then to add a two hour practice leaves no time for writing! Thank god for the weekend! Anyway please tell me how you liked this chapter and what you look forward to seeing in this story! Please Review!**

**~divergent24-7**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

TRIS POV:

I struggle falling asleep that night, the pull of the demons dragging me to my nightmares frightens me too much. Trying not to let my nightmares come in the way of my life is difficult when all they are are memories. Horrible memories of the past, my old friends and Tobias. That night I stay awake, my mind sifting through all the words and secrets I've told Tobias.

I lied to him a few nights ago, I lied about my anorexia, but he doesn't seem to know the true fact of the eating disorder. Yes, sure in his eyes I may be skinny but in mine, my body doesn't work. I'm not the skinny model on the TV with the big boobs or big butt. I know that that is what most teenage boys desire, and I'm none of those qualities.

As I decide to get up, I let my feet lead their way out of my room, and soon enough I standing outside the door to my fathers office, my mind obviously knowing how much I miss him. Though it is almost a full room, my father neglects it, never putting it to use, so when I see the computers screen shining through the almost all glass door, I'm in shock.

The shock quickly fades as I see the back of the persons head, along with their tall body peaking out from the large chair. It isn't hard to guess that that person is Tobias, and I'm forced to squint my eyes to be able to see the computer screen through the foggy glass.

My breath quickly picks up, my lungs working overdrive, as a picture of a skinny girl appears on the screen. A long article is listed next to the picture, the title _Anorexia strikes again. _My mind goes blank. _Why is Tobias looking at this stuff? I told him I was fine._

After a few minutes of heavy breathing and focusing the best I could on the small letters, I give up on trying to read through the glass. Before I have a chance to turn the knob, Tobias moves. He hunches over, his elbows resting on the desk that the computers on, his hands meet his face, rubbing it as he keeps his face covered. He's in distress.

I take this time to slowly open the door, the click of the knob making Tobias jump, swiveling the chair around to face my direction. His face is full of anguish as his eyes meet mine, though he makes no attempt to cover the computer screen. He doesn't speak, and nor do I as I approach the screen leaning in to read the article, Tobias watching me.

The article reads:

_Anorexia took another victim to the grave. Claire Minly, a 17 year old senior in High School died in a hospital after she was put there by her concerned boyfriend. He told us generously, "I knew she had been acting different, and when I asked her, she was open about her eating disorder. She had told me the truth of all her life and how she wanted to change herself from the fat girl to the skinny one." _

_After a long conversation with Ms. Minly's devastated parents (who kindly asked not to be quoted) they offered us to go and see what Ms. Minly left behind in her room for all to read. Her diary was lying on top of her bed, in plain sight for everyone to read. Ms. Minly's parents allowed us to read this diary, also excepting a part of it be put in this article. "From when I first decided I wasn't skinny enough to now, I know that this probably wasn't the best idea. In the past few months I've lost another six pounds, now weighing me in at 78lbs. For a girl 5 feet, my boyfriend thinks I'm losing my mind trying to lose all this weight but as much as he tries to help me, I know what I want." Ms. Minly had wrote, just weeks before her passing. _

_In another finding in the diary, we read, "Today I looked in the mirror finding the same old girl. The one with the fat hanging from her belly. I will admit that I lost my mind, screaming into the mirror at my own reflection, knowing that the past few weeks I had skipped breakfast and lunch. I don't understand why I'm not losing weight, the hunger is starting to hurt." _

_What Ms. Minly didn't know is that anorexia doesn't always mean you are skinny. Though many people believe, and match, anorexia with being thin, the actual definition does not state that. The true definition below:_

_Anorexia: A lack or loss of appetite for food (as a medical condition). An emotional disorder characterized by an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat._

_Ms. Minly's family and boyfriend pray that this article about their lost one, helps girls and boys with the same condition. If you are a loved one of someone you know who is anorexic call the hotline below. _

I don't bother to read the hotline number, my mind going crazy at the thought of how much the girl is like me. She even had a boyfriend who tried to help her but failed, and I can only imagine the pain Tobias feels.

I slowly turn my head to look at Tobias, his eyes seem to be glassy, filled with silent tears ready to spill out of his eyes, and fall down his face. I know I should say something, anything, but I can't seem to find words, his eyes pulling me into my own sorrow.

"Tris. . ." he speaks, his voice shaky and I know he is trying to swallow his tears, "I need to know. . ."

"Know _what_ Tobias? I'm going to be fine!" My voice comes out sharp, harsher than anticipated. His eyebrows furrow in confusion, and he opens his mouth like he's going to say something but fails. I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry, okay? You don't understand what I'm feeling."

"I know I don't but you have no idea how many times I wish I did. I wish I could just take all your sorrow, and burden it on me instead of you. You don't have a clue how many times I think about how if I had just stayed with you, and not moved away, maybe things would be different. Maybe you would be doing a lot better then you are now. It was mostly my fault...So, yes you're correct, I don't know what you're feeling. But you don't know what I'm feeling like either." He states, his voice wavering a little from his emotions.

I dont have any words to say back my mind not working with my mouth, my body frozen. All the things I've said are completely and utterly _selfish. _Tobias has a hard time at home, then he comes here, trying to get his girlfriend to eat _something_, and to save her from herself...and he's still struggling. Not only have I put a burden on myself but on the ones around me too.

The people from school.

My brother.

My Dad.

My Mom.

And most of all Tobias.

I've brought so much emotional pain that the strongest people I know are breaking down right in front of me...because of me. Tobias almost never cries, when we were little, most of the times he cried - which was twice a year - would be because Marcus beat him to hard. Now the past few times I've seen him cry, or tear up, is because of me, and my own issues.

He shouldn't be with me. I'm a burden. He should _not _be with me. There is no other way to describe it. I love him, and care for him...and I know he would be better off if I had never meet him. We shouldn't be together.

I can feel the tears building up begin to roll down my cheeks as I pick my eyes up from the ground to look back at him. His own tears seem to be barricaded off by his bottom eye lid, though they seem close to spilling.

"Get out." I whisper quietly, my lips barely separating to say the words.

His eyes become even more sad ridden, then he speaks almost as quiet as me, "What?"

"Get out," I whisper a little stronger, my words more vocal, "I want you to get out of my house."

"I-I don't understand…" He trails off, staring at me with his large mysterious blue eyes.

"I need you to get out now...I can't do this anymore…," I take a deep breath, trying to keep from biting my lower lip, "I can't do us anymore."

I can't help but notice the silent tears that now travel along his face, and after a moment he stumbles a little to get up. He never takes his eyes off mine when he slowly walks out the room, me staying right where I am.

My body refuses to move, my muscles and bones feel fused together, making me immobile. I still don't move when I listen to his car engine start, and I don't move when I can't hear it anymore. I'm stuck in this position, my mind not fully comprehending what I just did.

I stay in this spot the rest of the night, and by the morning my eyes are tired and my feet are burning from the weight of my body. The only reason I now become aware of my surroundings is because, of all people, my father walks into the room. His face is worried and as he see's my bloodshot eyes, and my puffy cheeks, the worry doesn't seem to die down.

"Oh my goodness. Beatrice what are you doing in here, I've been searching for you all morning." My father states coming towards me and pulling me into him. "I was supposed to leave for work hours ago but your mom and I were worried so I stayed back. I even tried to find Tobias...why is he no longer here? Where did he go?"

"I-I made him go."

"Why would you do that?" He asks pulling back, sliding his thumb across my wet cheeks.

"I broke up with him." I say, the tears just falling harder.

It's been a full week since I broke up with Tobias. Technically I broke up with him last Sunday, and so that means tomorrow I have to go back to school. Thing's have definitely not gotten better, if anything it has gotten worse. I don't cut anymore, well I haven't yet, but I don't eat much at all. . . maybe a banana a day. My parents don't know because they are always at work, though my dad wants my mother to resign so that one of them can be home with their 'unstable daughter'.

_Flashback (a few days ago):_

_I know I probably shouldn't but I can't help but listen to the late night argument going on between my mother and father. They both seem pretty upset and I'm almost positive it's about me, though I just got here and started listening a few minutes ago. I lean against the wall outside their door at one in the morning. _

_My mom is the first I hear talking, "Why am I the one who has to quit. I love my job, Andrew." _

"_Natalie, our daughter is unstable. She needs help, and if you haven't noticed, that Tobias guy just made matters worse. You didn't see how upset she was." My father whisper yells at her. _

"_Let's give it a few days. I love her and I want her to get better, I just worry that if I quit now, we wont have enough money to provide our family. I will make sure she goes to school again starting Monday like we had planned. Let's see how this goes and if we still think she's not getting any better I can quit, okay?" She explains, making her seem more selfless, trying to do whats best for everyone. _

"_Fine." My father huffs. _

_End of Flashback:_

That night I thought long and hard about what I thought would be best and I finally came to the conclusion that my mother would be better off at work then at home, with her depressed child. After that I begin to act more happy and bubbly around my family, though it was all fake.

Tobias has tried texting me once, but I didn't answer. All it said was;

_Tris I'm so sorry for whatever I did. I want you to know that whatever happens, I want you to be the best and have the best in life. I know you won't but please consider taking me back, I love you and want to take care of you. I need you, please. I will hopefully see you on Monday, unless you don't want to see me...just please hold on and keep going. Be brave. _

I know how much I want to take Tobias back is way more than it should be. I shouldn't want him back because all I would do is ruin his life by pulling him into mine. He's way too good for me and I should have seen that from the start.

Currently I'm lying in bed waiting for sleep to overcome me, but I can't help but think about the text he sent me. I don't understand what he means by 'I'm so sorry for whatever I did'. I thought he had assumed I broke up with him because I knew he was too good to me, though I don't know and shouldn't just make assumptions.

All I know is that I'm going to have to talk to him tomorrow, even though that's one of the last things I want to do. I need to make sure he knows that he's perfect, I'm just not perfect enough for him.

**Hey guys! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! I sprained my thumb in volleyball (yes I do play) and it also had a lot of bruising. I went to a hand doctor to make sure it wasn't broken and thank god it's not but he said I had to be careful with it for a week. I had already not written for about a week and I personally asked him about typing on my computer and he said I shouldn't. I'm really sorry it took me so long, but my thumb is back at 100% so I can type again! Yay! **

**Well now that I'm done with my life story, just wanted to give a big thanks to everyone who's read this far! Love you all! Please review for faster update!**

**~divergent24-7**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

TRIS POV:

When I open my eye's the next morning, I'm staring at the mirror where I've placed all my pictures by. The images of Tobias and I when we were little, along with some family photos. I quickly turn away, not wanting to think about Tobias, the selfish things I've done to him.

A shiver runs down my spine as I stand up, exiting the warmth of my blanket, and into the chilly air. The clock on my phone tells me that I've woken up an hour early, the alarm I set not needed. I decide, with the time I have, to go take a shower to clear my head, thinking about my answers to all the questions at school.

When I step out of the tub and onto the tile, I disregard the towel I've set aside and instead stare at my naked body in the mirror. I have to wipe the foggy glass to see myself in full, the ugly figured person staring back at me. My body has no curves except for the tiny ridges of my ribs sticking out. The more I look, the more I hate what I see, regretting eating the bowl of strawberries last night.

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have looked at myself naked in the mirror, especially because I already don't like the way I look with clothes on. The more I think, the more I realize how much of a favor I did for Tobias. Not only does he not have to worry about my well being, but he also doesn't have to look or kiss my hideous face anymore.

It takes me a while to slowly put on my sweatshirt, then slipping my leggings on as well. I decide to wrap the cuts on my arm, just in case some jackass decides to lift my sleeve to see them, because I'm sure the whole school knows by now.

The rest of the morning passes by in a blur and eventually I'm standing outside the school feeling like a girl with the word _suicidal _written across her forehead. I pull the purse/backpack further up my shoulder, keeping my hand on the strap.

I take a deep breath before walking through the front door and into the crowded hallways. I attempt to keep my head high as I walk towards my locker but as people begin to whisper and point my self esteem starts to diminish. Finally I make it to my locker and pull my purse off my shoulder opening my locker and placing it inside for now.

I try not to listen to the two girls standing by my locker, attempting to whisper to each other quietly about me, though I can't help but hear every word.

"Did you hear about her 'situation'?" The short brunette whispers, putting finger quotes around the word situation.

"God, who hasn't. Someone told me that she held a gun to her head and when her brother stopped her, she went for the knife, trying to slice her arms instead. Her brother managed to stop it but she still cut her arm and was sent to the hospital." The blonde says, not even trying to whisper, though every word is a lie.

I glance at them, catching the brunettes eye as she mumbles, "She should really be sent to a mental institution."

I slam my locker shut, putting on my anger and sorrow into the throw. The two girls jump back in shock muttering a few more things then scurrying off. I swallow my tears, walking to my first hour quickly, keeping my head down instead, the girl's words running through my thoughts.

I step into the math classroom, and stop immediately. My heart beat begins to pick up when he looks up from his phone, his eyes meeting mine.

I don't understand. Why is he in this class? He was never in this class before.

He places his phone down on the desk, motioning me to sit in the seat next to him. I put my head back down, losing the eye contact and proceed to walk to a seat in the back. His eyes follow me the entire time, even when I sit down he's still staring at me.

Soon enough the teacher starts class while I keep my head down, attempting to drown her out as she talks about our homework that was assigned over the weekend. Eventually I'm asked to show her mine, as I was supposed to finish it through email and print it out, but as I search through my bag, I can't find it.

"I'm so sorry, Miss. I can't seem to find it." I announce, and watch as she nods her head in understanding.

I think I'm safe until the boy sitting diagonally in front of me mumbles loudly, "Just like you couldn't _find_ the right spot to cut."

Half the people in the room erupt into laughter, while the other half stare in astonishment at the guy, probably wondering why the hell he would say that. The teacher quickly stands from her desk, walking over to the boy and yelling at him in front of everyone.

My hearing is muffled by this point, the raging words spilling from her mouth not seeming to reach my ear as I look around the room watching everyone's reactions. I do notice, though, as the guy stands up and leaves, headed towards the principal's office glancing back at the class.

"Can I go with him, I'd rather not be in the same room as a suicidal." The boy that was sitting next to the first boy, says.

Before the teacher can yell at him also, I'm standing up grabbing my bag on the way. As I reach the door, I turn around looking at the guy who said it and say, "No I'll go, _I'd_ rather not be in the same room as an asshole."

With that I walk out the door, my rage and boldness disappearing as soon as I'm standing alone in the hallway. Before the teacher can send the stupid dickhead out of the classroom to apologize, I run down the hall, stopping in front of my locker. I turn around, smashing my back up against it and slowly slide down, my knees coming up to my chest. Slowly I pull my hood over my head, the one or two students walking by seem to be totally oblivious of me, slumped against my locker.

As the first tear escapes, I cross my arms around my knees hugging them tighter as I put my head down, resting it on my arms. I ignore the sound of someone plopping down next to me, assuming it's probably that asswipe coming to apologize.

I don't move until I feel the light touch on my arm, goosebumps shooting up all the way through my body. I slowly rise my head, knowing that a touch like that only comes from Tobias. When I finally make eye contact with his deep ocean blue irises, I can't help but let the rest of my tears escape.

Even though I know Tobias is upset with me for the break up, I can't stop myself from making a dumb move. I unwrap my arms from around my legs, instead winding them around him, resting my face on his chest while I cry. Instead of the expected, Tobias pulls me in tighter, his arms wrapping around me, meeting at the small of my back.

He allows me to cry into him for quite a while until eventually he speaks up, "We should go get you cleaned up."

That when I realize what I'm doing. The pain I've gone through the past week would be all for nothing if I let him believe that we are okay, so instead I push myself off of him.

"I can do it myself. I don't need your help _Four._" I say harshly, though I hate what I said it has to be done, for him.

For him.

I glare at him as I walk myself to the girls bathroom, fixing the small amount of makeup I had on. I can't help but stare at myself in the mirror. The gap between my thighs was hard to get but now that I've accomplished it, people want me to gain weight. I'm just not hungry, foods unapealing to me.

I finished fixing my hair and makeup as the bell signalling class is over rings. So instead of staying in the bathroom all day, or just flat out ditching, I walk out of the bathroom and to my locker to get my book for World History. As I walk into the plain class room, I notice Tobias sitting near the front again, though he was never in this class.

I make it obvious to Tobias as I stumble across the room, taking my seat in the corner desk. I try to disappear in my seat, sliding down as low as I can go so that situations like last class won't happen again.

As the bell rings, Tobias glances at me once, his expression making me want to run to him and apologize, but I stay strong and tear my eyes away from him.

Class is over all too soon, and everyone floods the halls, scrambling to get to their next class or to get to lunch. I rush getting my books for English, then hustle to the classroom, arriving second. I take my seat in the back putting my head in my hands until the class starts.

I don't listen to most of it, but I do notice Christina in the front of the room, staring at me from afar. Tobias sits right next to her, his body slumped in his chair making it obvious he's in distress.

Soon class ends, and I take my time to leave, waiting for Christina and Tobias to exit but they never do. After around five minutes of me pretending to pack slowly, the teacher leaves and it's just Christina, Tobias, and I. I don't look up, but I can hear them whispering to each other, and after another minute, Christina comes over to me.

"Tris, the whole group wants you to sit with us at lunch, we miss you." She explains, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I shrug it off, picking up my bag and placing my books into them. I still don't meet her eyes as I say, "Well I don't miss you."

I know it's really harsh, and it's hard to say the words, my whole body wanting to yell at myself, but I know I have to do this, for their sakes. I'm a burden for anyone and everyone who is around me, and cares for me. If I act rude and bitchy they will eventually leave, saving themselves from what is me.

"I was trying to ask nicely," Christina announces louder than before, "but now I'm not asking. You have to come with me and eat in the lunch room with me. The counselor pulled Four and I aside, telling us that we had to watch you. Four was assigned to watch you during class, so they switched him into all your classes, and I'm watching you at lunch. Tris, we care for you and want you to be healthy and happy."

I groan, "You guys just don't get it. I don't want to be babysat anymore. I don't want people to talk about me anymore. And I don't want you to care about me anymore. I want to be left alone, is that to much to ask?"

At first she has a stunned face, turning around and giving Tobias a look. Before she can speak, Tobias does, answering my question harshly, "Yes."

Christina takes my arm in her hand and drags me all the way to the lunch room. Coming in late doesn't help the fact that people would have already been staring at me, so as we open the doors, Christina pulling me to the table, all eyes are on me. I take my seat quickly, Christina placing herself on one side of me and Tobias on the other.

Uriah, Marlene, Zeke, Will, and Shauna, smile as I sit, they obviously don't realize how much I wish I wasn't here. They all say some sort of greeting, trying to make me feel welcome, but the stares are drilling holes into my back. It feels like there are over 100 people just watching me, whispering about the things I did.

I tilt my head down so that I'm glaring at my lap, and soon enough I feel Tobias's hand on my knee under the table. He gives me a squeeze then lets go, my body immediately missing his touch. I know how much easier this day would be with Tobias, but having him is selfish, and I can't be, I just can't.

"Tris, I'm going to go get you something to eat." Tobias whispers, trying to make it non obvious.

"I'm not hungry." I say, Tobias looking at me incredulously.

"I'm here to help, and you need to eat." He demands, not as quiet but still quiet enough.

I look up at him, straight in the eyes, "You're not my father."

He huffs, muttering, "Thank god I'm not."

I feel my eyebrows furrow immediately, my eyes becoming glassy. I knew it. He thinks I'm a burden. He's glad he's not my father because he would be stuck with someone like me as a daughter.

I quickly stand, not being able to pull myself back together, though I know I was not meant to hear his mean words. I hustle out of the lunchroom, my legs running as fast as they can to the girls bathroom. Once inside, I fall to the dirty floor, my body giving out. I sob, my figure moving with the cries, and I thank god that no one is in the bathroom.

After about a minute, the door opens and I panic, scared some random teenager will see me in this state. But as I look up, my body is engulfed in a warmth, the smell of sweat, metal, and something distinctly male, coming off this person's body. I know the smell, as my brain has matched it with the word safety. Tobias.

He rubs my hair as he pulls me closer to his body, hugging me to him tight. I'm confused as to why he is in the girls bathroom, caring for me after what he said. He thinks I'm a burden, so why the hell is he here caring about me?

"S-stop." I cry, trying to push him away but he doesn't let go of me.

"Tris, I don't understand what I did. I loved you...and still do. I just want to know why. Please." He begs.

I sob a few times, soaking his shirt, but eventually, my cries become quiet and the tears are coming out silent. I don't understand how he hasn't figured it out yet, but I'm positive he won't let me go until I tell him. So that's what I'll have to do, tell him the truth.

**Hey guys! I tried to get this up as early as I could. I have a ton of volleyball and school getting in the way and it makes me mad. I really enjoy writing for you guys. By the way, if you guys could review the name of a divergent fan fiction that you really like, or is similar to mine I would really appreciate it. I like reading them. So review good ones! **

**On a different note, some reviewers are commenting on how Tris would never act the way she does in the story and that she would be stronger. I'm sorry. I kind of just wrote what I felt like any teenager who's depressed would feel. I guess she is a little out of character, and I'm truly sorry. Tell me what you wish I did better. I will try to get better, just tell me what I need to fix. Thank you for telling me. **

**So review some fan fictions that are good. Also review what you don't like and do like about this story, I hope I'm doing okay. Thank you for reading so far, and thank you for the support. Sorry this is such a long A/N! Love you guys! Please review!**

**~Divergent24-7**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

TRIS POV:

"Tobias..." I breath, my words mixing with my tears, "I just needed...I wanted you to just…"

"Tris, take a deep breath," Tobias tells me holding the sides of my face now wiping each tear that comes out of my eye, "Start by telling me about the night you, umm...ending things between us."

I take the deep breath, then I say, "I couldn't sleep that night...so I got up to walk around and ended up in front of my father's office room. I could see you and the computer screen through the glass door. After I saw the picture of the girl… a-and the title of the article, I got confused as to why you were looking at that kind of stuff, as I had lied to you and already said I was fine. So I-"

"Wait, what do you mean you lied to me? When?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowing together.

I didn't even mean to say it, it just slipped, but I guess the truth had to come out. I stare at the ground, thinking about how to word my next sentence so that he doesn't think I'm still 'sick'.

"When we had part of the interrogation. The questions you asked… I lied about some. Like when you asked if I've ever pictured myself as fat, I lied and said no. Every morning when I look into the mirror, I see a fat, ugly, little girl standing in front of me." I say, having a hard time admitting to the last part.

"Tris, you are the prettiest girl I've ever met. In no way are you fat, or ugly, I like you...no I love you just like you are." He states, brushing my hair behind my ear.

"That's the thing though. You can't love me. You shouldn't. I'm undesirable, unhealthy and just a burden to your life. I'm saving you from me… and I know you already know that." I whisper, though the words come out strong.

I take his hand off my face just as he questions, "What are you talking about?"

"What you said at the table, Tobias. When I told you you weren't my father, you replied, 'Thank god I'm not'. I know what you meant, I get it. Being my father would be horrible because you're stuck with me as your daughter." I explain, though I know I shouldn't have to.

"Oh my god," He mumbles under his breath, then speaks louder, "I only said that because I wouldn't be able to love you in the way I do if I was your father. If I was your father, I wouldn't be able to kiss you like always wish to do, or marry you, or have a life with you. That's why I said that, Tris, not because I think you're a burden."

His words come to me like a sense of relief, but I know I wont feel this way for long.

"I am a burden. You may not see it now but if we were to ever have a future together, you sure would see it then." He opens his mouth trying to talk but I cut him off, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, I want you to move on from me… and maybe if I see you have moved on, I will be your friend."

He gives me a confused look his thumb brushing my cheek, "You don't… want me?"

I have to choke back the sobs as I curtly nod my head, watching him stand from our position on the ground, his hand dropping from my face. He begins to back out of the bathroom, giving me a look almost as if he thinks I'm going to stop him, but I don't.

Finally when his back hits the door, and he's realized that I will not say anything more he speaks up, "Just know that I will always love you, and I will have my arms wide open if you ever want to fall in them again."

Then, just like that, he's gone. Out of my life… for now.

TOBIAS POV:

The conversation I had with Tris in the bathroom hurt… like hell. When she revealed how she truly felt, that she thought she was a burden, that she wanted me to _move on, _my body felt worse then after one of my father's beatings. It also doesn't help that I now have Tris in every single class of mine, and I'm expected to look after her.

Tris didn't make it awkward though, she silently slipped into the back of the class, claiming her seat, then lying her head down. This made the rest of the day fly by and sooner than I anticipated, I'm out in the parking lot, stumbling into Zeke.

"Hey Four, just the man I was looking for." He says patting my shoulder in a greeting.

"What do you need Zeke." I say it more like a statement then a question.

"Woah, who pushed you off the wrong side of the bed this morning? I was just going to ask if you wanted to come over and have guys night." Zeke explains, raising his eyebrows at my harsh tone.

"Sorry Zeke, I'll tell you why I'm in this mode later… five o'clock?" I ask shoving his shoulder in a friendly way, though it would look like I'm picking a fight to anyone else.

Zeke just shoves me back, "I will be expecting you."

By five o'clock, I standing outside Zeke's house knocking on the door with a closed fist. I begged my dad to let me come on a school night, and that's when he punched me in the chest, so instead I snuck out, taking a overnight bag just in case.

It doesn't take even thirty seconds before Zeke is already answering the door and inviting me in. He immediately notices the bag I carry and eyes me.

"Ya sure Four, you can spend the night. Thanks for asking." He says in a sarcastic tone, walking to his couch and plopping down on it.

I sit myself down next to him, lying the bag next to me. "You're welcome."

He laughs at me as he turns his head to scope out the room, then he says, "My parents are gone for the night, and Uriah's out with Marlene on a date… and as you said at school, you would tell me what happened. So, what happened?"

"Um… it's about Tris… " I mutter as he studies me.

"Go ahead and tell me, I can give you amazing advice." He smiles widely.

"She broke up with me." I deadpan, Zeke's smile automatically vanishing, replaced with a large frown.

"What the hell, I thought you guys just got together right after she…" He stops himself before finishing the sentence.

"I know, and we did." I breath in and out, forcing myself not to think too much about it, so that I won't start crying like a wimp in front of Zeke. "She told me that she doesn't even want to be my friend until she's seen that I've 'truly moved on'. I don't even know what that means Zeke!"

He seems taken aback by my yelling, but quickly regains his posture, putting on his thinking face. After a few minutes of complete silence, I've calmed down and Zeke still is wondering about unknown things.

"Four, I think she wants you to date someone else." He announces and I automatically feel my body freeze.

Dating someone else? I've never even thought about doing something like that, as I never dated anyone after I left Tris. She's always been my main focus in life. When my father was abusing me, I thought of her and pushed through. When I was being bullied, I thought of her and gained muscle and confidence. When I made the football team, it was because of her. I couldn't imagine thinking of someone else instead of Tris.

But Zeke is right. She did say that she wanted to visually see that I had moved on, and there is no other possible way to achieve that. I will have to do this, and maybe, just maybe, it won't be so bad. If Tris can't be my girlfriend, she has to at least be my friend.

So with that I look back over at Zeke and say, "Find me another girlfriend."

He smiles at me then immediately runs upstairs, me following close behind. When we reach his bedroom, his flips open his computer and starts typing in his password. Finally he reaches the website, Instagram and logs into it. I look at him with my eyebrows raised.

"Why couldn't we do this on your phone?" I ask as he stares up at me.

"Bigger picture on the computer, so you can see… things better." He states turning back to his TV, and I roll my eyes.

Throughout the night, he shows me pictures of all the girls he has in his followers list that he suggests for me. Eventually after hours of pictures of sluts, whores, and just basically prostitutes, Zeke announces that he has ran out of candidates.

"Zeke, you do realize that I'm not into sluts. I like real girls, not the ones with plastic boobs, and pounds of makeup. I mean a little makeup is fine but not anything like that." I explain looking back at the picture of the last girl on the computer.

"Well, every guy has a type so explain yours and I will start typing it into this one dating website someone made at our school. It's called The Choice, and it's very good at making really decent couples. It's how Jason and Haley got together… you remember them right?" Zeke asks, clicking on the search bar and then typing in The Choice.

"Ya I remember them, they are in love and make it obvious everyday. It's kind of etched into my brain, though I would give anything to get it out." I laugh, watching as the sight appears on the screen.

"Alright well this is it. All you have to do is sign in, give your name, and then fill out what your type of girl is like." Zeke explains clicking on the create new account button and putting my name down. "So all you need to do, Four, is give me your favorite things about a girl, and I will put it down."

I think for a minute before describing my dream girl, "Not a ton on makeup, so more of a real girl. Not dressed in slutty clothing all the time, and not incredibly clingy. Doesn't need big boobs, or a ton of curves. No taller than 5'9, and no shorter than 4'9. Blonde hair, with a bluish grey eye. Maybe a longer nose and full lips. She doesn't have to play a sport just has to be intelligent… oh and she has to be a little stubborn, but also brave and romantic."

By the time I finish, I look at Zeke and realize that he's been giving me a stare down for quite some time now. I can feel the heat rush into my cheeks a little, and realize that I may have gone a little too far in explaining what I would like her to be.

"What?" I question Zeke's stare.

"You do realize that the person you just described is Tris, right?" He asks raising his eyebrows in question.

I shake my head and glare at the ground. I hadn't even realized that I was explaining her, I guess my mind is just always consumed with thoughts of her. Zeke sighs and pats my shoulder lightly, then takes the keyboard in his hands again.

"Don't worry man. I will type some of the stuff I choose and I guarantee there will be girls wanting to date you left and right." He promises as he begins typing things into the computer.

After about five minutes he's finished and I begin to read what he has written and submitted already. It reads in a list;

brunette

romantic

brown eyes

where's decent amount of makeup

is real with you

tan

sporty

dumb or smart

I glare at Zeke for a good few minutes, furious at the things he has put down. He laughs a little, getting up from his chair, but sitting back down as soon as he hears the sound of his computer going, _ding. _

"Looks like you already are getting some girls. Let's see who would like to go on a date with you." He says, opening the small chat bubble in the corner of the screen and reading aloud what the girl said, "Jane says, 'I'm available tomorrow at six if you would like to go on a dinner date.'"

I smirk a little at the girly voice he reads it off in but eventually I get serious, my nerves coming back. How can I even do this? I know that I still love Tris and everything about her. This Jane girl, by the looks of her profile, is almost the exact opposite of Tris.

With these thoughts, I voice them to Zeke and it clear that I've stumped him until her replies, "Well if you go out with someone that's the opposite of her, isn't that moving on?"

I think for a minute before nodding, agreeing to go on this stupid date for one reason, and one reason only… to be Tris's friend.

**Hey guys! I tried to get this one up a little faster than last time! Thank you for all the great reviews, keep it up. There were a few that made me grin and I ended up reading them over and over again because they made me feel so good about what I was writing so thank you. Again, I would love to hear about what you hate and love about my story. Tell me what you want less of and what you want more of! Please review!**

**~Divergent24-7**


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